TITLE    : Forty Years of Silence
STORYID  : forty-years-of-silence
SUMMARY  : Not spoken to my ex-wife in forty years.
AUTHOR   : AnAverageGuy61@lit
DATE     : 2023-11-12
CATEGORY : loving-wives
FLAGS    : 
TAGS     : |wife|husband|lover|cheating|silence|


<i>British English language and spelling, unless stated otherwise the story is set in the UK. In some stories the legal process will be different to what readers from the USA are used to, over here we have laws that apply nationally, not state by state. Whether they are right or wrong, it's only a story. It's not real life, it's how I write it in my world.</i>

I write for my enjoyment, and hopefully that of others.

To those of you who favourite my stories or follow me, thank you, it means a lot.

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<em>This story was inspired by a recent comment on another story I wrote (Burn in Hell Bitch). I revealed that I hadn't spoken to my ex-wife in almost 40 years. The person (@ReedRichards) asked if it is possible to hate someone that much, my answer was yes, especially when you get screwed by the person that you once trusted. There is very little sex in this story. It may show me as being an arsehole or petty, I don't care, it's how I chose to deal with it. I haven't gone into detail with some of the military stuff, partly because it's still classified.</em>

<strong><u>Forty Years of Silence</u></strong>

I think the problems with my first marriage were down to both of us, we were too young to get married. I left school at sixteen and started working in the building industry, just as the industry entered the biggest slump in years. I got laid off and had so many different employers it was unreal. I met my future wife Lucy at a party. We were both eighteen, there was an instant attraction and we started dating. We were young, we had sex whenever we got the chance, Lucy was good in bed, very good.

After getting laid off for the umpteenth time, I decided to find a different career. After finding nothing in the employment centre, I signed up for the Army. I told Lucy if I passed basic training we would get married and hopefully move into married quarters.

My parents' reaction to me enlisting was exactly what I expected. My grandfather was there when I told them I had signed up.

My Dad burst out laughing. "You won't make it, you can't stand being told what to do."

My Mum burst into tears, she was afraid I would be posted to Northern Ireland. This was the late 70s and the trouble over there dominated the news.

"Mum, they don't send new recruits to Northern Ireland." I lied, I knew it could happen.

My grandfather stood up and put his hand on my shoulder. "Keep your eyes and ears open, and your mouth shut. You'll be fine." My grandfather was in the Royal Marines during World War II.

The night before I reported for training Lucy and I spent the night fucking each other senseless. My Dad drove me to the station, he wished me luck and said he would see me in a few weeks. During training I phoned Lucy as often as I could, my parents got a phone call once a fortnight. Training was hard work but fun all the same, I was with a great bunch of guys. My last phone call to Lucy before we passed out of training was eventful, Lucy informed me she was pregnant.

Straight away I said we would get married. My next call was to my parents, I invited them to attend the passing out parade. My Dad thought I was calling for a lift home, I could hear my Mum moaning in the background, she was hoping I would fail training.

On the day we passed out of training I saw my parents and Lucy in the crowd, afterwards we had a chance to get photographs taken. My parents stood beside me, Mum on the left, Dad on the right. My Dad had a proud look on his face, my Mum was putting on a brave face. Lucy had a photograph taken with me. When that was all over and done, we told my parents of our intention to get married, my Dad agreed I had done the right thing and not run away from a pregnant girlfriend.

Lucy's parents' reaction was mixed. Her Dad, Bill, was glad I hadn't deserted his daughter, her Mum, Doreen, was livid. She accused me of defiling her daughter, she made it sound like I had raped Lucy. She shut up when I told her Lucy was a willing participant in making the baby. Despite everyone's praises and objections we married two months later, at the time I was stationed in Maidstone in Kent. 36 Regiment Royal Engineers.

Luckily, Lucy and I managed to get married quarters, it wasn't much, but better than living apart. I got posted to Northern Ireland for three months, after that I returned to Maidstone. Our son Jack was a month old when I got posted to Germany for three years, Lucy and Jack came with me. I loved being in Germany, I liked the place and the people. Our daughter Susan was born 15 months after I was posted. Lucy missed her parents, she asked me to get a UK posting when my three years in Germany were up.

Back in the UK we settled into married quarters in Camberley in Surrey. At the time I was taking a lot of training courses, little did I know that would be the undoing of my marriage. Lucy dropped the bombshell one night after I returned from Chatham, Kent. She was fed up being an army wife, either I got out or we split up. As I had just re-enlisted for six years, getting out wasn't an option, I didn't have the money to buy my way out. Lucy took the kids and went back to her parents, her Mum was over the moon that she was away from me. I never did find out why she hated me like she did, after a while it didn't bother me much.

It was Lucy's Mum who dropped her in the shit, so to speak. I thought we had split because she didn't want to be an army wife, the real reason was she met someone else, someone her mother introduced her to. Martin Kelly was the guy she left me for.

I went and saw Lucy, I wanted answers to questions. We were having a very heated discussion about the separation when her Mum entered the house, some guy was tagging along with her.

"What are you doing here?" Doreen asked.

"Talking to my wife, what's it to you?" I snapped back.

"She won't be your wife for much longer." Doreen had a smug grin on her face.

The guy she was with offered me his hand to shake. "Martin Kelly, pleased to meet you."

I turned and punched him in the face, he went down like a sack of shit, blood was streaming from his nose.

"You told me you didn't want to be an army wife, the real truth is you were fucking this twat. I've a good mind to counter file and state adultery as the reason. You can have your divorce, bitch. I am warning you now, do not make it difficult for me to see the kids. Start fucking me around where they are concerned, you will start a battle you will not win." Lucy stepped back.

"As for you, you fucking witch!" I stared at Doreen. "You introduced him to Lucy, you are as much to blame as she is. I hope you're happy. You finally got what you want, me and Lucy apart. Fuck you!"

I warned Lucy again about keeping me from seeing the kids, Kelly was getting to his feet as I stormed out of the house.

I let Lucy file for divorce, I had enough to do with moving out of married quarters. The British army is like most other forces, if you don't need the quarters, get out as someone else does.

With everything else going on I mistakenly let things slide. Lucy filed for a divorce, she stated irreconcilable differences. Apart from getting screwed for spousal and child support, Lucy cleared out our savings, what little we had. When I mentioned it she told me she deserved it for putting up with me not being there.

"Just as well Ii wasn't, if I had been there you couldn't have fucked Martin." That pissed her off as she slammed the phone down. Things got sorted out, the divorce was final six months later. I phoned Lucy to ask if I could see the kids at the weekend, I was due to leave for Germany in two weeks. Lucy agreed, then for some reason she took the kids out for the day. I didn't get to see them until six months later. I was home on leave and went round to where she was living, the kids were glad to see me, Lucy not so much. When the kids were out in the garden we argued. It ended up with me calling her names and blaming her fucking mother for our problems.

"We were happy until that fucking witch stuck her nose in. You got what you wanted and I got shafted. You even took all of our savings. Martin earns more than enough, but you had to do it. I hope you are happy." I said goodbye to the kids and left. It was months later that Lucy called me, she invited me over for dinner. I knew there had to be an ulterior motive for the dinner invitation.

We all sat and ate dinner, the kids were talking to me all the time. Later that evening when the kids were in bed I found out the reason for the dinner invitation.

Martin had been offered a job in New Zealand. He and Lucy were going to get married so she could go with him, he needed to adopt my kids so he could legally take them over there. I think the law has changed on this now, at the time he needed me to agree or they couldn't go.

I answered with two words. "Fuck off!" I stood up and left. Lucy tried to get in touch with me for several days, but I ignored her. Eventually she started calling the troop office. The sergeant told me to deal with it or face a charge. The next time Lucy called I spoke to her. She pleaded with me to change my mind, again she got the same answer.

"No. I hardly get to see the kids as it is, if you take them overseas I will never see them."

I spoke to a few of my mates about what was going on. One of them had relatives in New Zealand, he said it was a lovely place and could be good for the kids. I thought long and hard about the kids. In the end I made my decision. The UK wasn't great at the time, unemployment was high, I thought they would have a better start in life out there than over here. I told Lucy that I would allow Martin to adopt the kids, there was a condition that I told them. It would give me a chance to explain why.

Trying to explain it to two young kids is not easy, after I was done I promised them that I was still their Dad, and I always would be. Martin adopted my kids, he paid all the expenses. He and Lucy were married, the adoption was official. I had no idea when they planned to leave for New Zealand, so I asked Lucy to let me know. I wanted to say goodbye to the kids before they left. We arranged for me to see them on a Saturday. I found out they had left the UK two days earlier, I never got the chance to say goodbye to my kids. I was fuming, my mates stayed away as they knew I was pissed off. When Lucy wrote me a letter, she included their phone number.

I called to speak to her. "You took the kids without letting me say goodbye, why?" I asked.

"They are Martin's kids now, we didn't see it was necessary for you to say goodbye to them."

"You agreed, you agreed to let me say goodbye and then you fucking flew out without a word. I will never forgive you for this, never."

Lucy got bitchy with me. "You were never there for them anyway, at least their new Dad will be home at night."

"Fuck you. You knew why I wasn't there, you married me knowing I would be gone sometimes. I hate you for taking them away like that, if I had known you were going to do that I would never have agreed to Martin adopting them. I'll send them birthday and Christmas cards, if they want to send me a letter or card, send it to my parents address. I have nothing more to say to you. If I never speak to you again I will die a happy man. Fuck off and die!" I slammed the phone down. They were the last words I spoke to my ex-wife.

Several months later my Dad passed away, he had terminal cancer. With the divorce and now Dad passing, I wondered if life could get any worse for me.

I got another posting to Germany. While I was there I met two lads who were training for SAS selection, having nothing better to do with my spare time I joined them for the training. We worked on our fitness. The three of us went for long runs, we ran with weighted packs as part of our training. Before I could officially apply I had to speak to my commanding officer, he had to okay it.

"You can apply, soldier. Just remember if you fail this lot will take the piss out of you, don't let it get to you. You tried, that's more than most of them will ever do."

When we flew back to the UK for selection we were all smiles, the smiles soon disappeared. Fuck me, selection was hard work. After three months of hard slog in the Brecon Beacons we passed, all of us were shipped out to Brunei for continuation training.

Twelve weeks later we were back in the UK, badged and part of an elite regiment. I spent a further six years in the SAS. I was home on leave when I met Amanda, my now wife. We dated when we could, which wasn't often. Amanda moved to Hereford to live with me off barracks, her company got her a job close by. We had spoken about getting married, Amanda said it wouldn't happen until I left the army. For the next two years I was sent all over the place, most of the time at a moment's notice. It wasn't unheard of for Amanda to kiss me as she left for work, then not see me again for weeks.

Somehow our relationship survived. I left the army when my time was up, I had a job to go to. Amanda and I married a year after I got out. Two of my mates left at the same time, all for the same reason. We all wanted to settle down and start families.

I was still getting and sending cards and letters to my kids, Amanda was aware of my previous marriage. When the kids were old enough to have email it made keeping in touch easier, I knew all about their lives. My son Jack wanted to be a paramedic, my daughter didn't know yet what she wanted to do.

Amanda found out she was pregnant seven months after we married. Our first child, Steve, arrived into the world in February 1992.

Having a child and seeing them every night was a great experience for me, I swore I would never be parted from my kids again. Our daughter, Holly was born in July 1994. Things were tough to start with, we only had my salary coming in. We did our best and struggled through.

Just as things started to get easier for us, Amanda fell pregnant again. We got careless as it wasn't planned. Amanda told me she didn't like odd numbers, I knew at some point child number 4 would be along. Our daughter Sarah was born in January 1997.

Unfortunately the delivery was difficult, Sarah was born with physical and mental disabilities. For years my wife blamed herself, it took me and several doctors to convince her that it was just one of those things. The doctor said it could have affected any one of our kids. Despite the issues we cared for Sarah and her siblings as best we could. We moved to a bigger house in Kent, the kids had a room each.

I still kept in touch with Jack and Susan via email. I never asked after their mother, they never told me about what she was doing. Jack had started training as a paramedic, Susan was drifting from job to job, still not knowing what she really wanted to do.

Jack called me in a panic one evening. He had recently left home and moved in with his girlfriend, he went to see his mother. When he entered the house he heard Lucy and Martin arguing, he was about to leave when he heard the sound of a slap and Lucy scream. He walked indoors and looked at his mother, she was holding her face. Knowing what had happened, he punched Martin in the face.

Jack told me he gave Martin an hour to pack and leave, if he went near Lucy again he would kill him. The big problem for Jack was Martin threatened to go to the police, if Jack was charged and found guilty he would lose his job.

I asked him for Martin's phone number. "Let me talk to him, son. I'll try and get him not to call the police."

I called Martin straight away, he wasn't happy to hear from me. The conversation went back and forth for a while. It ended with me letting him know that if he screwed up Jack's career, I would get a flight out and deal with him. "Trust me when I say they will never find your sorry excuse of a body."

Martin never did go to the police. He moved out of the house, Lucy filed for a divorce. I did sarcastically say to Jack that she was an expert at divorce. After that episode Jack never said anything else about Lucy or Martin. Six months later Susan let me know she had decided to study to become a lawyer.

Ten years ago Lucy flew back to the UK for her mothers funeral, I wasn't invited and wouldn't have gone if I had been asked. From what Jack told me she was here for two weeks, in that time I never saw her, or had any contact with her.

Amanda was a stay at home Mum, looking after Sarah. I worked to keep the money coming in, we weren't rich, but better off than some of our friends. Sarah is a proper Dad's girl, she always smiles when she sees me. Although she is disabled she enjoys watching certain TV shows and listening to music, boy bands seem to be her favourite choice of music.

Nine years after Sarah was born, Amanda fell pregnant again. We were both drunk after a party we threw to celebrate paying off our mortgage early. Our son Liam was born in March 2006, I went and got a vasectomy two weeks later. Liam was born with no problems, he has grown to be a good kid.

Jack and Susan came to the UK three years ago, I introduced them to my family, everyone got along really well. Steve and Jack keep in contact with each other, Susan always asks how we all are when she emails me.

My eldest son Jack is a senior paramedic technician. He is living with his partner, Lynn. they do not have or want children. My daughter Susan is a lawyer, she is in a relationship with another woman. She told me it pissed Lucy off when she admitted she was gay, I said so long as she is safe and happy it didn't bother me if she was gay. Lucy was pissed that she will never be a grandmother, so I told Susan, "Once again it's all about her."

Over the years I have mellowed slightly. If the kids tell me about Lucy, I listen. I never ask about her. To that end I know she is single and not dating, Martin never gets mentioned at all. My son Steve is a police officer, Holly is a school teacher. Liam wants to be a software developer when he leaves school next year.

When I got the idea to write this brief story of my life, something occurred to me. In April 2023 it will have been forty years since I spoke to my ex-wife, Lucy. My last words to her were "Fuck off and die."

I doubt that we will ever speak again, I cannot forgive her for lying about why we split up and taking my kids without me getting a chance to say goodbye to them. Maybe some people could get over it, I am not one of those people.

