CHAPTER TWO
After putting on clothes, I started pacing throughout the room again thinking. I had different thoughts going through my head at an hundred miles an hour. I felt like my head was going to explode.
I didn't know what Maya was up to now, but I hoped to God she doesn't-
"Hey, baby! I'm back!"
Damn. How long has it been since I last saw her in the room with Anthony?
Maya came into the room with the greatest mood I have ever seen her in.
It only intensified my insecurity.
I also noticed how incredible she looked. She was wearing clothes I have never seen her in.
She wore a white and blue kaftan that exposed her flat, tanned stomach and cleavage, revealing a pink bra she was wearing.
It had to be from Anthony.
Other than that, she tied her hair in a ponytail and wore makeup that only made her look sexier.
"Hey you," was all I could say. I didn't even stand up to greet her. I just kept picturing what I've seen her do with Anthony last night.
Maya, however, raced towards me to give me a hug. I thought it was a bit awkward since I was still sitting down and I didn't embrace her. I don't think she noticed since she looked like she was still in a good mood after breaking our embrace.
"I'm so happy to see you! I missed you so much!" she exclaimed.
"Uh huh," was all I could say. I felt I was going to say the wrong thing if I opened my mouth.
"I still can't believe yesterday happened. I thought I would never do something like that but I'm so happy we did!"
I bet you are, I thought.
Maya walked over to the bedroom where she continued to talk.
"I'm happy you talked me into it. I don't know why I ever thought it was such a bad idea in the first place. It's really exciting!"
I weakened a little from her statement.
"We got lucky too with Anthony. He's such an incredible person. I think if you weren't in the picture, I would date him," she laughed.
"What?!" I said with an alarming tone.
"Oh, babe, you know I'm kidding," she teased.
"Are you?"
It was at this point she finally noticed my attitude. She came back into the same room I was in, looking concerned.
"Are you alright?" she asked me.
"I don't know? Am I?" I snapped at her.
"That's what I just asked you," she replied, sounding annoyed.
Why did I say that? That was so stupid.
"What did you do with Anthony last night?"
"What do you mean? After we went back to his suite?"
"Yeah," I nodded.
"Babe. You know what we did. Why are you even asking?"
"Did you do anything different with him that you haven't done before?" I inquired.
"What do you mean?"
I realized I couldn't mention any more details without having to reveal how I saw her with him. Instead, I just got up and headed to the minibar to open up another shooter.
"Where is this coming from? Why are you so upset?"
"I'm not upset. I'm just...ugh, forget it." I walked to our bedroom. Maya following close behind.
"No. You don't get to do that. We promised we would be honest with each other. So you tell me what you're thinking," Maya demanded.
I laughed at her words.
"Honest? Really? You're being honest with me? You can't even tell me what you did with Anthony last night."
"What are you talking about? Why are you acting like you don't know? It's what you wanted me to do. Do you want details? Is that it? Because I'll give it to you if that's what you want?"
I laughed some more before dismissing her. I didn't know what I wanted to say to her.
"Don't you fucking walk away from me! You want details? Then fine! We fucked! We fucked all night long. Do you want to hear all the positions we did? Because I'll tell you!"
I turned my back on Maya, taking another swig from the shooter.
I expected her to yell at me some more. But she didn't.
"Isn't this what you wanted? I thought you wanted me to do this? For you?"
She sounded hurt. I felt guilty. Maybe it was the drink wearing me down.
"...I did...," I said, still not sure what to say.
"C'mon, Rob, talk to me then. Say what's on your mind," Maya pleaded.
"It's nothing," I managed to say.
"Bullshit! Tell me now, damn it!" Maya cried. I could see her eyes starting to water.
I really didn't want to say anything I'd regret. That I was being blackmailed by Anthony. I felt like I'd be opening a new can of worms if I told Maya why I'm upset or how I helped Anthony into sleeping with her.
I wish I could just keep pretending I'm happy with this whole situation. But I think I might've reached a point where I can no longer hide my true feelings. Even if it means suffering the consequences.
As I was contemplating choosing my next words, Maya was apparently done waiting for me to say something.
"You know what? Fine. Don't say anything. Just stay quiet and break the promise you made to me." Maya gathered her things and made her way to the door, sobbing. "Way to spend our fucking honeymoon!" she said before leaving the apartment, slamming the door loudly on the way out.
I didn't move a muscle. Even after hearing the door slam, I didn't move. I couldn't believe how upset I was. Her last words made me angrier. I didn't know if she meant our honeymoon or hers with Anthony.
***
Still fuming, I decided to hang around the resort’s bar until I would figure out what to do next. Like the last time, there wasn't that many people at the bar. Especially since it's still pretty early in the day. I'm lucky the bars are open 24/7, because I wouldn't know where else to go.
I fiddled with my wedding ring as I took another swig of my third beer. I spun it in circles, watching it twirl until it slowed and rested on the bar's counter.
My beer finished, I switched over to whiskey. I needed something stronger to dull the pain.
I kept repeating everything that has happened over and over again. What could I have done differently? Did I brought this on myself? Does Maya still love me?
Even though I felt shitty after everything I had done, I still found solace that Maya was happy about the situation. Well, almost happy.
The only reason she was angry with me was because I started showing my true feelings about the whole thing. I did promise to be honest with her and tell her how I felt about her and Anthony. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Was it out of fear? Stubbornness? Maybe a bit of both.
If she ever found out the real situation, I'm afraid it would be the final nail in the coffin that would end our relationship for good. I'm not ready to lose her. Not like this. I know Anthony thinks I don't deserve her, but I won't give him the satisfaction.
I had to chuckle at that. He's been getting some satisfaction one way or another.
What kind of man takes pleasure being with another man's wife while the husband is fully aware? He has to be sick in the head, right?
Anthony is Maya' husband now. Remember?
I know that. But she doesn't love him. This is temporary. All in "good fun."
And what happens if he falls in love with her? What then?
That's not going to happen.
How do you know?
I tried drowning out the little voice in my head with whiskey.
I downed three of those strong drinks within 10 minutes. As more alcohol coursed through my system, I became more miserable. It's as if all my horrible feelings have amplified.
I guess I may have looked like a hot mess because someone who was sitting at the bar too noticed me.
"Trying to drown your sorrows in a glass or two," the man chuckled. "Been there."
I looked over to see who was talking to me. He's an older man. Maybe in his late 50s or early 60s with grey hair. He had a kind look about him. Like a grandfather ready to drop some very helpful life advice.
But I wasn't in the mood.
I returned my attention to my almost empty glass, without responding to his statement.
"That's okay. I know that feeling. If it makes you feel any better, that feeling will go away eventually."
I still didn't say anything. I just sighed deeply and took another small sip from my drink.
From my peripheral, I can see him moving. He got up from his seat and walked over to me, pulling a chair two seats away to sit down.
I closed my eyes in annoyance, already wondering what I have to say or do to get him to fuck off.
"Ya know, something tells me you haven't talked about whatever's bothering you with anyone. And I think," he says, getting comfortable in the seat, "what better way to share your troubles than with a complete stranger. That way, you'll never see them again."
I peered over at him to see him stick his hand out to me.
"Eddie."
Reluctantly, I shook his hand.
"Robert."
"Nice to meet you, Robert." He gave me a firm hand shake. Pretty strong for a geezer. "Now, then, what's on your mind son?"
I looked away, feeling very agitated. I didn't want to have to tell this guy to go away, but I really wasn't in the mood. Yet, I still had trouble finding the words.
"I know, I know. Normally I wouldn't bother you, but after only two of these," he raised and slightly shook his glass of alcohol, "I can be a bit impulsive."
I only responded with an approving grunt.
"And I have this strange need to help others in trouble. Wife says it'll probably get me killed one of these days," he chuckled. "I bet that'll make her finally happy."
I didn't respond to his morbid joke.
"So tell me, son, what's the matter with you?"
"Look, sir...," I started.
"Uh uh. I said my name's Eddie. You only call old men, 'sir'," he joked.
I rolled my eyes as he laughed.
"Right. Look, Eddie, I don't want to be rude but, I don't think you can help me. So...," I trailed off, hoping it would be enough to get the message across.
Instead, Eddie smirked.
"You might actually be surprised. I've been through a lot in my 64 years on this earth. Looking forward to 64 more years of new experiences. If God wills it."
Great. He's probably Christian. Definitely won't relate. I'll probably scare him off. Wait a minute.
"Well, if you must know then, I was on my honeymoon with my wife until I 'persuaded' her to sleep with another man. Multiple times now."
I drank the last of my drink as I waited for him to call me a derogatory term before running away.
"Is that all? There must be more to it. Otherwise you wouldn't be feeling this shitty. Was that your idea? Or hers?"
What the hell? Was this guy for real? Is he some kind of weirdo?
I looked at him quizzically. Assessing him closely. Which was hard to do being a little intoxicated.
He didn't look like weirdo or a freak. He looked like anyone else.
"I don't understand why everyone gives me that look. People think I've been this old my whole life. Especially you kids these days," he laughed.
"Sorry, I...just didn't think anyone would...," I trailed off.
"What? Understand? Ha!" He scoffed. "I may know more that you. Maybe I can surprise you."
What does he mean?
I looked at him still.
"You mean...?"
"Oh, yes. I've dabbled a little with what you're going through." Eddie said, taking another sip from his drink.
"Wait, wait, wait. I don't think you heard what I said." I started.
"No, I heard you. I used to let other men sleep with my wife too," he said clearly.
I couldn't believe what he said. There are actual husbands who let their wives sleep with other men? It's fucking crazy!
"Why, why would you do that?" I asked, incredulously.
"Oh, we don't do it anymore. But back in the day, we dabbled in the arts of swinging," he chuckled.
I know "swinging" meant both sides gets to sleep with other people. Which is not the case with me.
"I'm not swinging. I mean, we're not swinging. It's just...her," I had a hard time saying.
"Ah, I see. You're a cuckold. Kudos to you, son. Not many husbands are brave enough to go down that road," the man named Eddie said, raising his glass to me before finishing his drink.
I wanted to correct him how I didn't want this in the first place. But then I thought, is that really true? I can't ignore the fact that I masturbated like crazy watching Maya and Anthony have sex. The thought of having a secret fetish I was unaware of started gnawing at me.
"How...," I stopped, waiting for the bartender to pass us before I continued, "How did you know it was something you wanted?" I whispered. "I mean, how were you able to let another man sleep with your wife? How did you deal with it? Did you have any regrets? What did she say? Did you even think you would-."
"Whoa, easy there, son! Sounds like you haven't been in the lifestyle that long. Hmm." Eddie looked at me seriously this time.
After studying me for several seconds, he glanced at his watch.
"Hey, Roy?" Eddie called for the bartender, holding up his empty glass. "Let me bother you for two more of these, and send it over to our table, yeah?" he asked.
"Sure thing, Eddie," the bartender replied.
"Come along, boy," Eddie said, getting up. "I think you and I need to have a talk."
I got up to follow him, not sure what exactly to expect from this guy I just met.
Eddie picked a booth from the bar that was far from anyone who could hear us. As soon as we sat, he began to tell me most of his "sexual endeavors," as he calls it.
I was surprised that a total stranger was opening up to me about their sexual past. I found myself fascinated as I listened to everything Eddie had to say.
He's been married to his wife, Helena, for over 30 years.
He met Helena at a business startup convention where they hit it off instantly. It was love at first sight. He showed me two pictures of her on his phone. One now and one when he met her. She actually looked good in both pictures. The picture where she's young reminded me of Audrey Hepburn. She really was pretty.
Not to say she wasn't pretty now. She looked good in the recent picture of her. She didn't look bad for her age. Her auburn hair was replaced with white and she had very little wrinkle in her face. I noticed she never did lose her sharp gaze. Her brown eyes were definitely her best feature.
Yet it's hard to imagine a woman like her willing to try anything kinky. She could be the face of the conservative dream. I guess you really can't judge a book by its cover.
"Yes, sir. My pride and joy. Can't imagine my life without her," he said.
"So you had no problem with her sleeping with other men?" I asked.
"Oh, that came later. It was just the two of us, I wanna say...12 years? That sounds about right. It was around that time our sex life was anything but existent. We didn't mind it at first. I think she could've gone the rest of her life without ever having sex again with me. But don't get me wrong. It wasn't because of my lack of performance in the bedroom. No sir," Eddie laughed.
"So why did you decide to do it?" I asked.
"I brought it up first. I told her that we could spice up our sex life if she wanted to. She gave me the cold shoulder at first but I wore her down in no time. We started off small. Bondage. It scared her at first. But that fear turned to excitement. The thrill of being helpless and vulnerable turned her into a different woman. After the first time, we practiced bondage for a month straight!"
Thanks to the picture of his wife when she was young, it wasn't that hard for me to envision her tied to a bed, naked and defenseless. It would've been a sight to see in person. Someone who looks so innocent can do something so kinky got me a little hard. It might've been the booze.
"After bondage, we decided to swing. It still surprises me to this day how quickly she took to it. I guess the thrill of being with another man besides your husband made her really hot and bothered."
"So you've slept with other women? After you married Helena I mean?" I asked.
"Oh yeah. I've had my fair share being with insatiable married women. It was quite a ride."
"And how did she like it?"
"She took it just fine. Helena had her fair share of sleeping with other men as well. And by 'fair share' I don't mean as much as me."
"What does that mean?"
"During that phase of our lives, she had only been with 3 men. While I, on the other hand...Hmm? Now that I think about it, I'm not sure how many I've been with."
It amazed me how this guy had been with so many women while married to a beauty like Helena. I would never do that to Maya. I think.
"Why not so much on her end?"
"It wasn't really her thing at first. There were only a few who she really connected with. It bothered me at first but something about seeing her have a sexual relationship with another man while being married to me was very erotic."
Is there really something about watching your wife with someone else, sexually? Why is it a thing? I'm afraid how much I would grow to love it.
"And that didn't bother you at all?"
"Like I said, in the beginning, it did. But then after seeing her with the first guy, I couldn't help but feel excited. Does that sound familiar?"
I didn't say anything. I must've looked a little embarrassed because Eddie chuckled when I didn't say anything.
My thoughts went back to the first night I saw Maya with Anthony. I remember masturbating to them without even realizing. There was no denying what I saw got me really aroused. I knew it shouldn't have. But I couldn't help it. Ever since then, I was in denial.
Eddie took a sip of his drink before continuing.
"I went in thinking we were just going to do one-night stands with different people. It was just sex. But Helena took it a little further. It did frighten me a little bit. But that fear was a huge factor in my arousal."
"How so?"
"It's like being an addict. You know what you're doing is very risky but, my God, you can't help but get off on the thrill."
Is that what this is? A thrill? Is that what I'm experiencing?
"Weren't you afraid of losing Helena?" I asked him.
"Not at all. I trusted Helena and she trusted me. We still do to this day. We both understood what we were getting ourselves into. Truth be told, I never thought she would go for it."
"Why not?"
"She never did anything this crazy before. The only reason she went along was because of me. If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't have done any of it. That's why it's so important for any couple to be completely honest with each other with everything."
Even though I know what he's talking about, it didn't make me feel better. I hated how I couldn't be honest with Maya.
In my defense, Anthony has been blackmailing me to follow his messed up plan. Now that I've passed a point of no return, how do I tell Maya everything without risk losing her?
"You still seem troubled, Robert? What exactly happened?"
I didn't know exactly how to tell him everything without telling him everything. If that makes any sense. A little advice definitely can't hurt right about now.
"I guess you can say I haven't been honest with my wife. And now it's screwing me in the worst possible way."
"That doesn't sound too good. May I ask what happened?"
"We just...I may have gotten a little bit over my head with this game."
"I'll say! I never heard of anyone doing something like you two are doing on their honeymoon. That's the kind of thing you read in the back of porn magazines!" Eddie joked. I couldn't share the same feeling.
"Lighten up, Robert," Eddie said, patting my hand in comfort. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."
"Not so sure about that," I said.
"That could only mean one thing. She must be quite the looker. Come on, then. Let's see a picture," he requested.
I wasn't planning on showing him a picture of Maya but I figure it's only fair since he showed me his wife.
After taking my phone out, I pulled up a random photo of Maya and me at a concert. That was a good day. We had a good time. The smiles in our faces were genuine. It was a simpler time back then.
Eddie pulled out a pair of glasses to put on to see the photo better. He took the liberty of taking my phone off my hands to get a closer look.
"Mmm, she is quite the looker. Very attractive. You, sir, are a very lucky man to land a woman like her," Eddie commented.
Not sure how I felt about his comment.
After handing me back my phone, he took off his glasses.
"How long have you two been together?" he asked.
"Since college."
"It's not too late. Go and talk to her. Be honest. She'll probably grind your testicles a bit more but she'll come around."
"You think so?"
"Most definitely. Helena and I have been out of the lifestyle for almost 20 years now. If we were any closer we would be one person. And I think I have our wild experiences to thank for it."
"Why do you say that?"
"While it was all in good fun for the two of us, it made us trust one another. If we were able to do this and still be together after it, anything else life threw at us would be a cake walk. She knew I loved her and I knew she loved me. Nothing was ever going to break us apart."
I let his words sink in.
Could I really turn this bad experience into something good? This whole time I thought there couldn't be a chance for me and Maya to stay happy together afterwards. But maybe there is now.
It was also because of this dread, I chose to deny my new feeling of seeing Maya with someone else. While it did get me excited, I always hated it afterwards because I thought it would only tear me and Maya apart even farther.
But I never thought about a scenario where me and Maya were together again and she still wanted to do this but without Anthony. Saying it out loud seems crazy but thinking about it felt like how I usually am with fantasies.
Could this be something I wanted to keep pursuing afterwards? I never thought I'd have this revelation, let alone having it during my honeymoon. But why do I feel this way?
"What are you thinking about now?" Eddie asked.
"Just wondering if I had always wanted to do something like this. This is the first time I ever thought about doing this. This is crazy."
"Different strokes for different people. You never know until it finally happens. And when it does, the picture becomes clearer," he answered.
"I think that's what scares me."
Eddie chuckled.
"Take it slow. You and your wife. You go too fast and you might end up regretting it in a very bad way."
That won't be so easy if Anthony is in the picture.
"So what do I do now?" I asked him.
***
I tried calling Maya as I speed-walked away from the bar.
"Go to her and talk to her," Eddie said. "It's that simple."
After thanking him, we exchanged goodbyes before I made my way to the front lobby.