TITLE    : Anatomical Characterization
STORYID  : anatomical-characterization
SUMMARY  : Learning from Poe's "King Pest"
AUTHOR   : Cal Y. Pygia@lit
DATE     : 2009-07-20
CATEGORY : adult-humor
FLAGS    : h
TAGS     : |edgar allan poe|characterization|erotica|comedy|horror|personification|anatomy|humor|private parts|


In "King Pest," several of Edgar Allan Poe's characters, victims of the plague, are disfigured by the physical maladies from which they suffer. For example, Queen Pest, who suffers from dropsy, has a most unusual mouth: "Commencing at the right ear, it swept with a terrific chasm to the left--the short pendants which she wore in either auricle continually bobbing into the aperture." Her husband, in whose honor the story is named, is emaciated, with a thin face "as yellow as saffron," and, dressed in black velvet, his head is "stuck full of sable hearse-plumes," which he nods "to and fro with a jaunty and knowing air" as he holds, "in his right hand. . . a huge human thigh-bone," rather in the manner of a royal scepter.



Such an approach to characterization may seem a bit bizarre, even for Poe, but there can be no doubt that it also offers many possibilities for humorous treatment, and, who knows but that it might earn the writer of erotica who dares to employ it the same sort of censure that "King Pest" earned Poe, from no less a fellow critic and writer than Robert Louis Stevenson, who remarked that "he who could write 'King Pest' had ceased to be a human being.'"



The master of horror, in this darkly humorous story, suggests an approach to characterization that writers of erotica can apply, in an adapted fashion, perhaps, to the male and female figures who appear in their own tales. Rather than making them the personifications of the effects of various diseases, though, why not make them embodiments of the sex organs and private parts?



This approach, as I see it, is relatively simple, consisting simply of asking the right question and then answering it appropriately. Fear not; examples follow.



How would you personify a penis? Not your own, necessarily, or anyone else's specifically, but the member virile in general: not a penis, but the penis? Here's my response:



He's given, at times, to fits and starts, although, most of the time, he's pliable and tends to keep a low profile. He's a standup guy, firm and resolute, although he's apt, on occasion, to blow his top. At times, he can be a rather seedy fellow; but he can also be a swell guy, if a little hard.



You get the idea.



But what about the testicles, or, rather, The Testicle?



If you thought The Penis could be a little seedy at times, obviously you've never encountered this hayseed--or, I should say, these hayseeds, for there are two of them. Identical twins, in fact. They're also roommates, sharing the same domicile. Mostly, they just like to hang out. That doesn't mean that these farmers are lazy, though, not for a minute. On the contrary, they're always ready to sow their seed. They're never apart, and they accompany their best friend, The Penis, wherever he goes, including the bedroom, where they turn every date into a foursome.



Again, you get the idea.



But what about breasts, or, rather, The Breast?



She's a softie, but she's full of the milk of human kindness, as nurturing as she is generous. She's a twin, too, and her sister's just as jaunty, fun, and full of life. She and her sister both have a bit of a drinking problem, though, and they're often in their cups. They hate to drink alone, and often foist adult beverages on others. They tend to need a lot of support, and, on occasion, they can be a little wired.



But what about vaginas, or, rather, The Vagina?



She's tender. She tends to be private and introverted and spends much of her time focusing inwardly, upon herself, not that she's narcissistic. She can be a lot of fun when she's open to intimacy. She is calm most of the time, although she can be excitable, and, at times, she can get extremely agitated, so much so that she's liable to get more than a little misty. Her tenant, Ms. Clitoris, is very much like The Penis, in that she tends to keep a low profile, but she can be a standup gal, firm and resolute, and is an altogether swell girl, if a little rigid in her attitude and behavior. Her two best friends, The Labia sisters, are very protective of The Vagina, and no one gets to her without getting past them first. They say things are a little hairy for them, most of the time, but they're lippy and they're slick, and they say that they and The Vagina are "close as a clam."



But what about anuses, or, rather, The Anus?



He (or she, but, for simplicity's and sexism's sake, hereafter referred to as "he") gives the phrase "anal retentive" new meaning. I mean, this guy is stingy! (He's also a stinker, having poor hygiene.) He's shy, and keeps out of the public eye, tending to be rather reclusive, most of the time. 



But what about buttocks, or, rather, The Buttock?



A firm, stout fellow, whose twin is equally plump and steadfast, able to suffer, if suffer he must, not merely a single blow of fate, but a whole series of them, The Buttock is, nevertheless, a humble soul, who has, even past his youth, maintained the innocent's ability to blush. He is a trusty support for the entire body of any group of which he is a member, and he is content, always, to bring up the rear. He is, at times, hard pressed, but he's always dependable, and he can retain large quantities of surplus for long periods of time. Like The Vagina, he is introverted and private, preferring to keep his own counsels, and he would not be likely to find The Labia's verbose nature to his liking. His closest companion, The Anus, is, like him, parsimonious, or anal retentive, but, when The Buttock spends his accumulated wealth, he's generous to a fault.



More could be written concerning each of these Privy Parts, of course, but this essay is intended as but a primer regarding the art. Therefore, my work done in this regard, I leave you with the reminder that other members of the anatomy remain upon which, or upon whom, others may practice the sketching of their own comedic personae: The Nipple, The Areola, The Glans, The Ovum, The Sperm, and The Rectum might be pressed into such service.



And now, I think, this essay has found a fitting and proper End.

