TITLE    : Assuming an Inferior Status
STORYID  : assuming-an-inferior-status
SUMMARY  : The masochist: a wannabe woman?
AUTHOR   : Cal Y. Pygia@lit
DATE     : 2011-01-15
CATEGORY : bdsm-stories
FLAGS    : 
TAGS     : |spanking|masochism|sadism|submission|psychology|anal|gay|buttocks|


I have been spanked by a man with his hand, a paddle, and a razor strop. The paddle hurt the most, I found, followed by the strop, which was used against the upper backs of my thighs. (The hand and paddle were used against my buttocks.) I enjoyed the experience enough to repeat it, but I didn't return for a third session, because the spanker became a bit too enthusiastic on the second occasion. I asked him to rub my ass cheeks between swats, which he did, and he took it upon himself to masturbate me to erection but no further. My erection--or his ability to induce such a condition in me--seemed to please him, for, once I had attained it, he smiled as if to say he had power over me in this regard, too, just as he had the authority to make me squirm by heating my bottom with the instruments of his choice.



I never knew that I was attracted to spanking until I watched some video clips of people--women, mainly--getting g spanked or, I should say, to be more precise, caned. The attraction was immediate--and intense--and, each time, I found I identified with the person, whether male or female, who was being spanked, rather than with the spanker. In my imagination, I substituted myself--and, more to the point, my buttocks--for his or hers.



It is quite startling to discover a masochistic component of one's personality. One wonders what a proclivity for suffering pain and humiliation suggests about oneself. Where does such a predilection originate, and why? I deal with such issues in several of my writings (as indicated, in particular, at the close of this essay), for anyone who may be interested in my take on this matter. I also offer some insights in several of my essays concerning homosexual anal intercourse, or sodomy. (Indeed, I have come to understand that spanking and being spanked constitute a stand-in for dominant-passive, sadomasochistic man-to-man anal intercourse.)



But I digress (its easy to do so when the digression deals with butt fucking, gay or straight.) Back to the pleasure of pain.



For me, it's all sexy: getting naked on command for another man; following his instructions; assuming various spanking positions; receiving the humiliation and pain of being physically assaulted by being spanked with various instruments; being stood in the corner, ass stinging, to contemplate the experience. The humiliation is fun. The receipt of the spanks is fun. It's all good.



A component of sadomasochistic sex deals with power--taking it, giving it, having it, losing it, using it, surrendering it. I speak as one who is spanked, not as one who spanks, so for me, spanking (or being spanked) is about the negatives: giving power to another, losing power to another, surrendering power to another. In short, being spanked is about subordinating myself to another man; it is about denying my own masculinity, my own machismo, my own virility. In this way, it is about feminizing myself, because, in American society, even today, powerlessness, weakness, surrender, compliance, acquiescence, submission are associated with women, not men.



I believe in the bisexual theory of human psychosexuality. Emotionally (and, to some extent, physically), we are all both male and female, having both testosterone and estrogen in our bodies. Men have nipples. Women have clitorises. However, ours is a heterosexual, not a bisexual, homosexual, or transsexual society, and it compels us, unless we are willing and able to suffer the slings and arrows of bigotry and prejudice, to act either as men or as women, as dictated by our genitalia, not as now one, now the other. Spanking (or being spanked) allows a man who is spanked by another man to become a woman--that is, a woman as women have been traditionally defined--one who is powerless, weak, compliant, acquiescent, submissive and, indeed, one who is fucked rather than one who fucks. The very essence of femininity is being fucked, and being spanked is a surrogate for being fucked, just as spanking is a substitute for fucking.



The pain (and the humiliation) that one receives from being spanked reinforces one's idea that he or she is weak, powerless, and helpless, each stroke of the hand, paddle, belt, or cane reminding one that he or she is being subjected to the will, strength, and power of someone else. An identity as a masochist is created and sustained by being spanked. (The opposite is true, too, of course, with regard to the spanker; he or she is forming and sustaining an identity as a sadist by continually spanking others.)



The sadist and the masochist are thus dependent upon one another for their identities. They enter upon a relationship of need which may or may not develop into something more, but is unlikely to do so, since any fuller relationship is apt to lead to love, tender feelings, compassion, consideration, and affection, which are generally adverse to spanking and to being spanked alike. Moreover, a fuller relationship freezes roles, and both the sadist and the masochist, the spanker and the spanked, typically want to assume their roles as such only momentarily, enacting them as actors or wearing them, so to speak, as costumes. Sadomasochism has a real root in the personalities of the sadist and the masochist, but it does not define them as persons, as human beings. Therefore, both the sadist-spanker and the masochist-spanked want to be able to cast aside their roles or to cast off their costumes and return to life as themselves, as more fully "rounded" individuals.



While the spanker and the spanked are together, spanking and being spanked, however, each assumes his or her identity, both for him- or herself and for his or her significant other. In electing to be spanked, I assume an inferior status, just as the spanker assumes a superior rank. I debase myself, degrade myself, demean myself; the spanker elevates himself, glorifies himself, exalts himself. I lose power; he gains it. I am shamed; he is honored. In assuming the masochistic and submissive role of the spanked, I assert my inferiority. I deny myself power, strength, autonomy, and will, becoming an object (a pair of buttocks). This is why I say that masochism is all about denial. Ultimately, it is about the denial of the self itself. At the heart, or bottom, of masochistic sex is a contempt and disrespect for oneself, perhaps even a hatred of oneself, but, for those who are interested in pursuing this line of thought more fully, my poems, stories, and essays concerning BDSM, spanking, and gay male anal intercourse provide sufficient ideas that may lead him or her to a conclusion of his or her own. In particular, these works may be helpful:



Poems



"Anal Poems"



"Butt"



"Celebrations of Anality"



"Sodom and Gomorrah"



"Sodomy"



Stories



"First Timer" (whole series, but especially the final installment, "The Aftermath")



"For He's a Jolly Good Fellow"



"Hard to Swallow"



"Nailed"



"Nothing At All: Alternative Version")



"Rainbow Boys"



"Unmanned"



Essays



"The Bisexualizing Effect of Erotica"



"Etienne"



"Imagined Horrors"



"Masochistic Me"



"The Mystique of Man-to-Man Sex"



"Thoughts on Sodomy"



"Additional Thoughts on Sodomy"



"Further Thoughts on Sodomy"



"Still More Thoughts on Sodomy"



"Tom of Finland"



Meanwhile, back to the clips! Some poor boy or girl is about to be spanked or, better yet, caned, and, in watching him or her receive the hard, fast, painful strokes, I will be in his or her place, in my imagination, experiencing the pleasure of his or her--and of my own--humiliation and pain. 

