TITLE    : Bizarre Bras
STORYID  : bizarre-bras
SUMMARY  : Over-the-shoulder boulder-holders for girls who have it all.
AUTHOR   : Cal Y. Pygia@lit
DATE     : 2010-09-14
CATEGORY : adult-humor
FLAGS    : 
TAGS     : |fashion|bra|tits|boobs|breasts|fish|birds|shemales|watermelons|models|


If you haven't types "bizarre bras" into an Internet image browser lately, you probably haven't seen the ones I describe in this review, which is all the more the pity for you. (However, this is a deficit easily corrected; .)



Meanwhile, here are some of the highlights of my own searches.



One of the oddest of these items of intimate apparel is the goldfish bra. As its name suggests, it is an aquarium of sorts, consisting of two water-filled, clear plastic bags inside of which goldfish swim to and fro, perhaps imparting naughty tickling sensations to milady's breasts as they do so. (Titty Tip: By wearing this bra into a pet shop, a woman or a shemale can restock her aquarium free of charge, provided she isn't caught filching fish by a pesky security camera or guard.)



One design doubles as twin baby carriers, the infants resting atop the breasts inside comfy over-the-shoulder pouches similar to the cradle boards that Algonquin women once strapped to their backs so as to transport their papooses. (Titty Tip: This bra makes baby strollers obsolete and can double as a purse or cosmetics bag. However, one should not use it as a substitute for an infant's car seat.)



Another woman models a pair of flower pots in lieu of the traditional hemispherical cups, so that she can wear live houseplants, flowers, or even the vegetables of her choice for nutritious snacks wherever she goes. (Titty Tip: Careful she hasn't planted a Venus flytrap in her bra, boys!)



Two silver spiders, looking rather mechanical, adorn the breasts of another lady.



Possibly to piss of the PETA police, one designer has fashioned her brassiere entirely of raw bacon strips. Her bra may not meet everyone's tastes, but it definitely sizzles. (Titty Tip: Watch your dog or cat when this bra's being worn.)



A pair of hands, ankles extending from beneath milady's armpits, clutch her breasts in a truly handy dandy design.



One of the most bizarre bras sports a pair of dead pigs' heads in place of traditional bra cups. (Titty Tip: Whatever else might be said of the damsel who dares to wear this design, she's definitely ready for a luau!)



Of course, someone was bound, sooner or later, to envision a pair of breasts as temping ice cream treats, and one bra design puts this concept to use, suggesting that the model's boobs are generous scoops of vanilla ice cream topped with cherries instead of nipples. It's a mouth-watering idea, for sure.



A lobster inspired a bra that's shaped like, well, a lobster. It's claws make up the straps and the rest of the crustacean covers milady's bosom. It's not only bizarre, but a little unsettling, suggestive of a gigantic crab as much as a lobster, and, therefore, a bit reminiscence of the sexually transmitted louses that are typically designated by such slang. (Titty Tip: This bra, although clever, is best avoided y any woman who wants to have a love life that rivals Jennifer Love Hewitt's.)



If a woman's man is a baseball fan, she can opt for a bra that resembles a pair of outfielder's gloves. This garment is sure to score.



The sunglasses design of another bra suggest that a nubile brunette's breasts big brown eyes need protection from the sun's dazzling ultraviolet rays.



In keeping with the beach scene, another design features two prehistoric fish--twin coelacanths--that were once believed to have become extinct long ago. As the model who sports these fish attests, the creatures are alive and well and may soon be decorating a pair of pert and pretties near you.



It's hard to say whether the spike-shaped protrusions bristling from the cups of a black bra are candy kisses or barbs, so beware if you see a babe sporting a bra that looks both delicious and dangerous at the same time. (Titty Tip: Maybe it's best to stick to M &amp; M's, which melt in your mouth, not in your hand.)



For women or shemales who hope to date E. T., there's a bra that consists of two old-fashioned telephones. With two lines open, there should be no need for call waiting.



A watermelon bra, fashioned of sections of rind, keep the wearer's breasts cool and well moisturized and, although there's not much flesh on the rinds, the fruit that there is may be sufficient to curb one's appetite between meals, offering a low-calorie treat that's dripping wet on a sultry summer day.



A pair of cherry pies strapped to one's chest offers a more substantial dessert for the lady or shemale who likes to eat sweets.



On the cover of a recent issue of Rolling Stone, a bare-butt Lady Gaga modeled a new bra design for the rock-and-roll groupie. It consists of a pair of M-16 semi-automatic rifles strapped to her cups. She's armed and ready, defending women's and shemales' right to bear arms in defense of whatever it is that needs defending.



One of the simplest designs is the most effective. It consists of Caucasian-colored latex cups in the shape of breasts, complete with natural-looking latex nipples, albeit not in their erect state. The straps are clear plastic, but, unfortunately, they tend to shine a bit in light, detracting from the illusion that the model who wears this bra is not only braless but topless as well.



For women and shemales burdened with the nesting instinct, another design transforms bra cups into feathered fowl, complete with heads. It's a cute idea, maybe, but the beaks and beady eyes are a bit too much. (Titty Tip: To make the illusion complete, carry a box of birdseed with you, offering the food to the birds whenever you want a little attention from passersby.)



There are other designs for women and shemales who are interested in drawing even more attention to their breasts than their breasts themselves are guaranteed to draw. As the human imagination clearly demonstrates, breasts can be envisioned as almost anything, including aquariums, cradle boards, flowerpots, arachnids, strips of fatback and pork loin, human hands, pigs' heads, ice cream, crustaceans (or pubic lice), baseball gloves, sunglasses, prehistoric fish, spikes, telephones, watermelons, pies, combat rifles, tits, or birds, To catch a glimpse of them, simply type "bizarre bras" into the Internet image browser of your choice.

