TITLE    : Courtship Disorder
STORYID  : courtship-disorder
SUMMARY  : Having your hair pie and eating it, too.
AUTHOR   : Cal Y. Pygia@lit
DATE     : 2010-03-10
CATEGORY : adult-humor
FLAGS    : 
TAGS     : |perversion|sodomy|courtship|pussy|cunt|dyke|gay|flirting|seduction|


Among the so-called lower animals (everything except homo sapiens, minerals, and plants), nature or nature's God has seen fit to put the onus of sexual attraction upon the male of the species, equipping him, whether he's a rhinoceros or a dung beetle, with charms sufficient to seduce the gentle sex. Among homo sapiens, both gay and straight, however, the burden of sexual attraction falls squarely upon the shoulders--or other body parts--of the female. That's why milady paints her face and claws--I mean, her nails. That's why she uses fashion as a means to play peek-a-boo with her breasts and buttocks. That's why she flirts and seduces.



Because she's trying to attract another human being (usually a male or a bull dyke), the ordinary woman has a hell of a time, despite the charms that nature or nature's God has seen fit to bestow upon her (that is, her tits and ass). Why? Because men and dykes are notoriously thickheaded when it comes to perceiving flirtatious behavior as flirtatious behavior. A woman who drops a handkerchief to get a potential mate's attention is apt to be perceived as clumsy rather than amorous (which is why, perhaps, contemporary women seldom, if ever, drop a hanky to signal their mood for a little hanky panky)). To get her man or her butch babe, a girl may have to resort to tripping her prey as he or she passes by, on the way to the restroom.



A lot of men (and dykes) want their fair share of pussy, but they don't want marriage. Their hope is to score without making the ultimate sacrifice of their freedom that matrimony entails. Some of them know, from bitter experience, that marriage means saying goodbye to regular lovemaking and hello to endless honey-do lists (and probably a passel of bawling brats). Fucking may be fun, but is anything, even sex, worth foregoing the liberties of the libertine for the rest of one's days? More and more, men and their female counterparts, bull dykes, are saying no way.



Fortunately, a guy or a butch babe can have his or her cunt and eat it, too, so to speak, by practicing what scientists are pleased to call "courtship disorder." This is a pattern of behavior in which certain paraphilias are substituted for the actual behaviors that constitute courtship. (A "paraphilia" is simply sexual arousal that is directed at a person, place, or thing that replaces normal sexual stimuli, or what, in the old days, were called perversions.)



According to shrinks, paraphilias are disorders and, typically, involve sexual arousal by nonhuman objects, by the humiliation or suffering of oneself or one's paramour, by children, or by no consenting folks. The King James version of the Bible of psychiatry and psychology, known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM, for short, recognizes eight specific paraphilias: exhibitionism, fetishism, frotteurism, pedophilia, masochism, sadism, transvestism, and voyeurism. Consequently, if you like to flash, use dildos or butt plugs, touch or rub against people who object to being touched or rubbed against, molest children, take pleasure in pain, take pleasure in other people's pain, cross dress, or look at naked people, you're a pervert or, in modern (psychiatric and psychological) terms, the proud owner of your very own mental disorder, a bright, shiny paraphilia!



Those are the recognized perversions, but, wait! There's more, as the salespeople in infomercials are fond of saying. A few other paraphilias are given honorable mention, as it were, in a category of their own, called "Paraphilia Not Otherwise Specified," and these disorders are obscene telephone calls (telephone scatalogia), sex with corpses (necrophilia), an exclusive focus upon one body part (partialism), bestiality (zoophilia), sex with turds (coprophilia), sex play involving enemas (klismaphilia), sex with piss (urophilia), and sexual arousal related to puke (emetophilia).



But what has all this to do with avoiding marriage while snagging some snatch?



Simple. According to psychiatrists, psychologists, sexologists, and other witch doctors, a man or a dyke who wants to fuck and suck or be fucked and sucked without suffering the lifelong inconveniences of taking out the trash and mowing the lawn can indulge in what shrinks are pleased to call "courtship disorder." This is jargon for substituting paraphilias for the actual behaviors that constitute courtship. It's a way of courting oneself, in a sense, wherein masturbation, rather than suck and fuck is the payoff. 



Here's how it works. Normally, for suckers (not fellatrices, but men and butch babes who give up their freedom to get a woman to give up her pussy), courtship involves a series of four phases: hunting, flirting, petting, and consensual sex. In practicing courtship disorder, a guy or gay gal simply substitutes voyeurism for hunting, exhibitionism or phone sex for flirting, frotteurism for petting, and date rape (or some other form of baistophilia) for consensual sex. It's so simple a caveman could do it, and courtship disorder provides many, if not all, of the same pleasures and rewards as normal courtship but without the unpleasant consequences of marriage, possible parenthood, and a lifetime of forced labor (unless one gets caught committing date rape, which can be omitted from the sequence in favor of a little self-abuse, which is the recommended way to consummate a relationship with oneself that is based upon courtship disorder).



The adoption of the courtship disorder in lieu of normal courtship has another advantage, too. Not only does it save a guy or a gay gal's ass from a life of toil and drudgery in exchange for an occasional piece of hair pie, but it also offers a lot of variety. Normal courtship allows only male, female, or shemale partners and is limited pretty much to suck and fuck activities, but anyone who chooses to practice courtship disorder has anything he or she can imagine as a sex partner and, as long as there are doorknobs, corpses, panties, porn, or even one's own puke, a paraphiliac never need be lonely on a cold winter's night. In fact, he or she has so many opportunities to play the mating game that a pansexual party could benefit from charting his or her options by creating a lovemap for him- or herself, but that's a topic that's perhaps best left to another, future essay. 

