TITLE    : My Twenty
STORYID  : my-twenty
SUMMARY  : The not-always-so-humorous art of putting captions to photos.
AUTHOR   : Cal Y. Pygia@lit
DATE     : 2013-05-30
CATEGORY : reviews-and-essays
FLAGS    : 
TAGS     : |photo|photograph|caption|witticism|humor|funny|transgender|costume|model|nude|


A site that's dedicated entirely to transgender fiction (and that will remain nameless here, since it's not paying Literotica anything for advertising) features a feature that's interactive--well, to some extent, at least--fostering writers' creativity while amusing readers who enjoy cheap shots and crude witticisms (or, in some cases, what passes as witticisms).

The idea is simple, but effective. The site's owners or operators or webmaster or somebody somewhere with nothing better to do posts photographs of nubile young women who are usually attired, if at all, in abbreviated costumes of one sort or another, a favorite among which seems to be the ubiquitous bikini, which often appears (and sometimes disappears) in its thong variety. Then, writers write brief captions which are, hopefully, funny and pithy or at least one or the other.

I myself have contributed twenty one-liners (or, rarely, two- or three-liners), which are the subject of this review (or, if you prefer, essay; you're reading this composition, whatever it is; you decide).

1

Photo: A smiling young blonde wears a cheerleader's outfit.

Caption: Now that I'm a girl, I really have something to cheer about, Johnny thought.

2

Photo: A smiling blonde in a white blouse holds a cellular telephone to her right ear.

Caption: As someone who has been both a man and a woman, Kim knew that blondes definitely have more fun as females than as males.

3

Photo: Two chicks, a blonde and a brunette, in short shorts and simple tops are seated on a couch, knees touching. The blonde looks adoringly at the brunette as the dark-haired beauty eats shrimp from a large take-out box perched upon her bare thighs.

Caption: Since becoming a woman, I can't get enough cocktail sauce, Tim thought.

(Okay, okay, so this one bites! You try making something funny out of the situation shown in the photo; it may not be as easy as you think.)

4

Photo: A tall, good-looking blonde in a yellow shirt stands next to a blonde beauty in a simple, body-hugging print dress. They are standing in a corner, a green plant in a hanging basket behind them in what could be a resort or swanky restaurant. Both are smiling as they look at the camera.

Caption: I'd have called Tim a "girly boy" much sooner had I know the words were magic, John thought.

5

Photo: A pretty, dark-haired woman in a simple black dress holds a red lipstick in one hand, a mirror in the other, as she gazes at the voyeur--I mean, the viewer.

Caption: Now my lips look vaginal AND orgasmic, Tom thought, after trying on his wife's Transformation lipstick.

(Fantastic means of inducing transgender transformations is a theme of the site; this theme is sometimes reflected in the captions for the photographs in this feature, as it is here, with this one of mine.)

6

Photo: A blonde wearing a hot-pink dress lounges in her living room.

Caption: I'm feeling in the pink, Jim thought, after trying on his wife's clothes.

7

Photo: A brunette wearing a bra hunts through clothes in her walk-in closet.

Caption: Before he changed his sex, Don had plenty of clothes; now, as Donna, she seemed never to have anything to wear.

8

Photo: A brunette wearing a bra stands before a white curtain, her back to the viewer, looking over her shoulder.

Caption: "I could buy either a top or a bottom for 99 cents at the dollar store, so I opted for the top. I think I made the right choice. The boys do, too."

9

Photo: A close-up of a woman's face, wearing makeup.

Caption: Now I know why my wife wears makeup--I look lovely! Bill thought.

(Not funny? You have to have been there--that is, you have to see the picture yourself, up close and personal; then it's funnier than hell--although, come to think of it, hell may not be all that funny, after all.)

10

Photo: A brunette in lingerie stands before another, seated woman, looking at her.

Caption: I always heard clothes make the MAN, Tim thought, after trying his wife's bra and panties on for size.

11

Photo: A brunette leans forward, her hair in disarray, looking both wild and exhausted.

Caption: It's exhausting being a beautiful woman, Jay thought, after taking it up the ass for the thousandth time that day.

12

Photo: A blonde stands in a street, in a full, layered and filly, powder-blue petticoat.

Caption: I used to buy dolls that look like me to decorate toilet tissue rolls. What was I thinking? Tim thought.

13

Photo: A brunette, fully clothed, kneels beside a bed.

Caption: "I love you, God, even if you did play a little practical joke by putting me in the wrong body. Thanks for letting me become a 'she.' Amen."

(Well, the IRS said they want us to send them the contents of our prayers!)

14

Photo: A woman's face, is shown in close up, a yellow flower in her wet hair, as she stands before the ocean.

Caption: "Would you like to see the 'vine' the flower grew on?"

15

Photo: Two women, in business attire, speak to a man in a suit while a cameraman films them.

Caption (man talking): "Why not interview me after my sex change? That would be more interesting to your viewers, don't you think?"

16

Photo: Two babes in bikinis, stand at the end of a pier, drinking bottled water, the sea behind them.

Caption: "I'd say the Femme Fatale hormone drinks are working just fine, wouldn't you, Dave?" Tom asked.

(See the note to item five; it applies to this item, too--number 16, for those who've lost count or can't count or weren't counting.)

17

Photo: As she gazes at the viewer, a hot brunette lifts her skirt to show the black lace atop her dark stocking.

Caption: Being a girl sure gives a boy a leg up in seducing guys! Johnny thought.

18

Photo: An older woman brushes a younger blonde's long hair.

Caption: "Hold still, dear! It is necessary to suffer in order to be beautiful."

(Part of the caption--the key part--is an application of an old French proverb, "Il faut souffrir pour &#xfffd;tre belle," to a specific situation, the one illustrated in the photograph.)

19

Photo: A woman in a blazer, skirt, and heels, seated at a desk, operates an office computer.

Caption: Now, where the hell was that Change-Your-Sex web site? Damn! What if it's been discontinued? I'll be stuck like this forever! (Well, maybe that wouldn't be so bad.)

20

Photo: Two babes in bikinis, stand at the end of a pier, drinking bottled water, the sea behind them.

Caption: "Don't worry! Drinking Femme Fatale-en-enizer won't turn you into a girl," Ben told Dan. "It's just a soda, so drink up!"

(Yes, this is the same photograph as the one in item 16; only the caption, showing a different treatment of the subject, is different.)

Okay, so those are my twenty. Some are funny, some are groaners. All were moderately difficult to conceive. They were fun to write, though, in every case, and let me say this: even the groaners are somewhat amusing when they're seen with the photographs they caption: it's true--sometimes, a picture really is worth a thousand words.) 

