TITLE    : Thoughts on Pussies
STORYID  : thoughts-on-pussies
SUMMARY  : Meditations upon the fair and gentle sex.
AUTHOR   : Cal Y. Pygia@lit
DATE     : 2010-02-23
CATEGORY : adult-humor
FLAGS    : 
TAGS     : |cunt|gash|labia|muff|bearded clam|pussy|twat|beaver|flower|beaver|


Women who want to take years off their age (and what woman doesn't?) resort to all sorts of cosmetics. They color their hair, undergo repeated, painful Botox injections, apply mud to their faces, rub lotion into their skin as if they were trying to preserve leather, dress in their daughters' clothes, and--well, the techniques they use are limited only by the fertility of their imaginations and the size of their bank accounts.



One way for women to take years off their appearances with a stroke or two of the razor is to shave their pubes. A hairless pussy makes a woman look prepubescent again, even if she happens to be "blessed" with a womanly rack. No tits or tiny tits are better than melon-size mammaries, of course, but even a bouncy pair of breasts won't, by themselves, necessarily destroy the illusion that milady's a preteen. She may just be thought to have "bloomed" early above, but not below, the waist.



From the front, a bald beaver may not be beautiful, but at least it's not ugly. In fact, it can be sort of cute, like a cleft chin or an endearing dimple. Seen from behind, between a pair of thighs, as when a woman is on her hands or elbows and knees, scrubbing the floor or waiting to be penetrated by her hubby or her boyfriend, who's intent upon a little doggy style sex this time around, a pussy, bald or otherwise, is about as attractive as a hairless feline.



Let's admit it: pussies are ugly.



Women know this. So do men. That's why we use metaphors, in describing them (especially in erotica, which is, after all, supposed to be, uh, erotic), referring to cunts as "flowers." They don't really look like roses, any more than they smell like them, of course; in erotica, as in poetry, we lie. We pretend, but we know that we're pretending. We know that, in reality, a cunt is about as repulsive as anything we'll ever see. If penises had eyes, there'd be no children. That's why God or nature, or both, made the male sex organ as blind as a pussy is repulsive.



A cunt is ugly because it can't make up its mind, as it were, what it wants to look like. A rose? Lips? A bearded clam? It doesn't have enough "petals" to be a rose or, for that matter, even a rosebud. The labia do somewhat resemble the lips of a misshapen monster, but they're vertical instead of horizontal, so that doesn't work. And clams don't have beards.



In our endless search for metaphors, we sometimes refer to the pussy as a "gash" or "the wound that doesn't heal." The problem with these comparisons is that a gash bleeds all the time, and a cunt bleeds only for a few days each month, and wounds either heal or they're fatal. They don't last for a lifetime, oozing mucus and blood.



We call pussies "pussies" for the same reason that we sometimes refer to them as "beavers" or "muffs": they're warm and furry. That's where the similarity with small mammalian creatures (or the tubular covering that some women prefer as a hand warmer to the wearing of gloves) ends.



A bald pussy is more aesthetic than a hairy twat, but not all that much more aesthetic and, let's face it, they're not without problems of their own. For a woman who has something on top (breasts, for you boobs) and may, therefore, look as if she's undergoing early puberty topside, if not below, a hairless cunt makes her look unbalanced, even top heavy. A triangular patch of pubic hair may not be much (or, depending upon the lady, it may be too much), but it helps to balance an ogling man's stare, giving him something to check out both above and below, rather than just above, the waist.



When a woman spreads her legs, her labia part, and the ugliness of her cunt is revealed even more fully; if she had even a little hair down there, she'd be able to keep this unsightliness to herself. Another thing: when a woman squats, as she must, to pee, for example, and her pussy lips gape, as they sometimes do, an onlooker almost expects her either to shit or puke out of the opening she so brazenly displays. It's bad enough that she pisses instead.



No matter how beautiful her face or how attractive her tits and ass, none of a woman's charms can really compensate for the ugliness of her twat. Sooner or later, a guy's going to have to look down, and, when he does, he's going to see the lotus blossom, the pussy, the beaver, the bearded clam, the lips, the gash, the wound, the muff, or whatever else we want to call her cunt, and, ladies and gentlemen, it's going to be ugly (especially if it's bleeding).



Pussies are messy, too. They leak a lot. They're always oozing, dripping, or gushing. They seep water. They trickle pyridine. They dribble squalene. They pour acetic acid. They stream lactic acid. They flood with complex alcohols and glycols. They surge with ketones. They splash aldehydes. In a word, they're gross! Dry, a shaved pussy can be cute (sometimes), but, when they're wet, they look like a sweaty oyster. Ugh!



Since, sooner or later, a woman is bound to get horny, a bald beaver might not be the best bet, after all, for looking younger. Maybe hair color, Botox injections, mud facials, lotion, and their daughters' clothes are better options, after all.



*



<i>Note: Some readers might conclude that these meditations upon the female sex are misogynistic. Such pussies should realize that much of what I've said concerning the "fair sex" (that is, the cunt)--and, indeed, much worse--could also be said of the anus, and, of these alternative avenues of sexual intercourse, the pussy, one might even argue, is less repulsive than the asshole--maybe even quite a bit less repulsive. Be that as it may, I just don't want to go there.</i>

