TITLE    : It was an Amicable Divorce
STORYID  : it-was-an-amicable-divorce
SUMMARY  : But would it last?
AUTHOR   : Ephesus14@lit
DATE     : 2020-03-10
CATEGORY : loving-wives
FLAGS    : h
TAGS     : |loving wife|loving wives|romance|romantic|


I was sitting in my vehicle surrounded by sand and soldiers when I received the notice telling me I was divorced. 



We had been married almost four years. For almost a year and a half of that time, I was in a hot, dry country half way around the world. She couldn't take it anymore and I fully understood. I didn't even try to talk her out of it. Being a military spouse is the second most difficult job in the world; being a parent is much more difficult.



My home was in Ponca City, Oklahoma. That's where I grew up, met and married Lisa Thompson. We were each other's first love. She was the first and only girl I dated in high school and in Community College. After Community College, I joined the Army and she went to Oklahoma State University and became a nurse. We married after she graduated and were stationed at Ft Belvoir, VA. We had been there for a little over a year when I received orders to go overseas. Lisa chose to go home to Ponca City instead of staying at Belvoir. She started working in the hospital almost as soon as she got there.



When my year overseas was up, I returned to Belvoir and Lisa joined me. We had a great 13 months together before I received orders to go back overseas. Lisa, again, returned to Ponca City. 



Neither of us was happy about this second separation, but we recognized that it went with being in the Army. 



I had been 'in country' for about four months when I received a letter from Lisa telling me that she couldn't take being separated any more. "I married you to be with you every day and night. We have been married for almost four years and over one forth of that time you have been half a world away. I can't live like this. Please understand that I love you, but this loneliness is driving me crazy. I am including in this letter paperwork for getting a divorce. If you love me; if you care about my happiness, please sign them."



I wrote her a long letter, expressing my sorrow that she felt the way she did, but that I understood completely. I told her that I wanted only for her to be happy and if divorcing me did that, then so be it. I told her that I loved her and signed the papers.



Several months after receiving the notice of divorce, I was back in the States and stationed in Washington, D.C. at the Pentagon which was practically next door to Ft. Belvoir. She, of course, was back in Ponca City and, I assumed, back working at the hospital. I was tempted to call her, but decided against it. 'Why open old wounds?' I asked myself.



I had gotten an Associate's Degree before joining the Army, and thanks to lots of hard work, correspondence courses, and 'On-Post' classroom work through The University of Maryland, I received my degree.



It was a Monday morning and I had just gotten to my office in the Pentagon. I was sipping on my first cup of coffee and checking my schedule for the day. The call came at 8:45. My father had a massive heart attack and died instantly. By mid-afternoon, I was on a plane home. Ponca City doesn't have any commercial air service, so I flew into Oklahoma City (OKC) and rented a car.



My brother, Matthew (Matt) and my sister Tina and their spouses were with my mother when I walked in the house. Matt was on the Police Force and had been since turning 21. Tina, like my mother, was a teacher. I immediately went to my mother, who was sitting on the sofa between Matt and Tina. She saw me and we both started crying. Matt stood so I could sit and hug Mom. After we both settled down, she told me that his heart attack came while he was in the garage cleaning the inside of his pride and joy, his 1957 Chevy Bel Air Convertible. 



"He died in that car and he wouldn't have wanted it any other way." She almost smiled as she said it.



The next couple of days were taken up with making final arrangements. Dad was a Veteran so the Army took a lot of the burden off Mom. The three of us children made no decisions. She and Dad had discussed what they each wanted and she was doing exactly that. 



The only request she made of me was that I wear my Dress uniform at the funeral. It was still hanging in the closet in what used to be my bedroom. I hadn't needed it overseas or so far in Washington. It just needed to be cleaned and my ribbons and badges needed to be put on it.



The morning of the funeral came and my mother looked at me, came over and brushed some imaginary lint off my chest. Then she stopped, looked up at me and kissed me. "Your father was proud of you."



Later that day, Matt and I were standing by the coffin greeting people as they filed by. We hadn't been there long when Lisa, my ex-wife, appeared. I reached out my hand to shake hers, but she ignored it and gave me a hug.



"I'm sorry, Michael." I was always Michael, never Mike, to everyone. "I loved your father."



"Thank you. So did I."



She acted like she wanted to say something else, but didn't.



The end of the day came and the family was gathered at Mom's eating some of the massive amounts of food friends had filled the kitchen with. Mom had been unbelievably strong through the whole thing.



The sun was just going down when the phone rang. Mom and Dad still had a landline. Tina answered it.



"Hello." Pause. "Hold on. Michael, it's for you."



I took the phone from her and she looked at me and raised her eyebrows. 



"Hello." I said.



"Hello, Michael."



"Hello, Lisa." That got the room's attention.



"Could we talk?"



"I don't think we have a lot to talk about. You made your decision and we are both probably better for it."



"I'm not so sure any more."



"Well, it's water under the bridge. I have an early flight in the morning so I'm driving to OKC (Oklahoma City) shortly. I'll spend the night there. So I have to go."



"Where are you stationed?" She asked before I could hang up.



"Listen, Lisa. I don't have much time to spend with my family. Thank you for coming today. Goodbye."



I hung up the phone, turned and everybody was looking at me.



"We're divorced. It's over. I'm fine. She's fine." I said to them. "Now, I have to change and pack. I have to leave soon."



Shortly after that, I had my bag and was ready to leave. There were hugs, kisses, and handshakes all around and I finally made it out to my rental.



The next day, I was back in Washington.



One of the good things I got from Lisa was an appreciation of classical music, especially Beethoven and Bach. The other one of the 'Three B's', Brahms, was never a particular favorite of mine.



Two weeks after getting back to Washington, the National Symphony Orchestra was presenting a program of some of Beethoven's works. The Bagatelle was one of their pieces as was his Symphony No. 7, Op 92. It was an eclectic program, which also included works by Copland and Bernstein. Tickets were difficult to come by, but the Military District of Washington was generally able to obtain tickets to some of the major events in the area. So I went to the Recreational Services Office and was able to get one.



The night of the concert came and I made my way to The Kennedy Center. I had been there before and loved it. 



The first half of the program was all Beethoven. At intermission, I had gotten a drink and returned to my seat. Others from the audience were also returning to their seats. There was a couple coming down my row to their seats somewhere to the right of me. The woman was in front of the man. I stood to make it easier for them to pass. When the woman got right in front of me, she stepped on my foot. Stilletto heels when applied to the top of a foot can cause a great deal of pain. I yelped pretty loudly, which caused her to lose her balance and fall into me; which caused me to fall back in my seat. She, being off balance, then fell into my lap.



We just sat there looking at each other. I was enjoying just smelling her. The perfume she was wearing was Tabu. My ex-wife used to wear it and it always turned me on.



"How's your foot?" She finally asked in a voice which would give a hardon to a eunuch.



"Not bad." 



We sat like that for a couple of seconds looking at each other until she spoke again. "You know, we're going to have to stop meeting like this."



"Why?" I asked. 



"Are you a pervert?" she asked.



"Pretty much." 



"I like some perverts." She said.



We heard someone clearing their throat. We looked and it was her escort. She gave me a last look and stood. She smiled and moved down the row to her seat. 



At the end of the concert, we were all filing out. I found myself behind her. I looked for her escort and didn't see him. I tapped her on the shoulder. She turned and recognized me.



"Tabu?" I asked.



"Yes. How did you know?"



"It's my favorite."



"Mine too." 



"Where's your friend?"



"He's behind us in the crowd somewhere."



"Your husband?"



"God no."



"Serious relationship?"



"No."



"In that case do you give out your phone number?"



"Rarely."



"I'm a pretty rare sort of guy."



She laughed. "What you are is a pervert."



"You said you liked perverts."



"I said I liked SOME perverts."



The people around us were taking an interest in our conversation. Some of them were chuckling, while others were 'tsk, tsk, tsking. 



We had gone through the lobby to the front door. She stopped. "I better wait for my friend." 



"Would you like company?"



"For what? Thirty seconds? He can't be far behind." She laughed.



"In that case, I guess I'll take my leave. It was my pleasure to have been stepped on by you."



She laughed again. "And it was my pleasure to spend some time in your lap."



I laughed and waved as I went out one of the many doors. I looked and she was waving back.



It had been almost a month since I had gone to the Beethoven concert and I was ready for another one. It didn't have to be Beethoven, but almost any classical music concert would be okay. I checked the Kennedy Center Schedule and saw that there was a concert featuring the music of Maurice Ravel the following week. 



I went to the Recreational Services offices to see about getting a ticket. There was one left. I took it. When she gave me the ticket, she told me.



"We were only able to get two of these tickets. The seats are together so you will be sitting next to a Colonel's wife.



I was a Staff Sergeant at the time. Enlisted folks and Officer types, even wives, seldom walk in the same circles. In my job, I dealt with two Colonels and assorted Lieutenant Colonels and Majors. In the Pentagon, Captains and Lieutenants were even rarer than Staff Sergeants. I had never even met a colonel's wife. It didn't bother me, however, because I was going to listen to the music.



The night of the concert came and I put on one of my two suits and headed out. I was in my seat early and reading the program when I smelled it. Tabu. I looked up and there she was. I stood and spoke.



"I thought you said you weren't married."



"I'm not."



"I was told that a colonel's wife would be sitting next to me."



"My mother is married to a Colonel." She sat and explained that her mother had gotten the ticket but couldn't use it. "By the way, my name is Connie. Connie Self." She stuck out her hand. 



I took it. "Michael Carter."



"So, Mike. Do you like Ravel?" 



Mike. Nobody had ever called me Mike, but I didn't correct her because when she said it, it sounded like 'I want you to fuck my brains out'.



"I do. I particularly like 'Gaspard de la nuit'.



We talked until the program started. At intermission, we had a drink in the lobby and talked some more. The program ended with Bolero, considered by some to be the most boring piece of music ever written; but by others to be the most sensual piece ever written. I count myself among the latter.



After it started and progressed, I would occasionally look at Connie Self and occasionally I would catch her looking at me. Eventually, it ended and I decided that if it had affected her sensually, she hid it well. 



I walked her to her car. She unlocked the door and I opened it for her. She started to get in, but turned to me. "Aren't you going to ask me for my number?"



I looked at her. I had asked her for it the first time we met, but that was before I knew she was a Colonel's daughter. "Look," I said. "I'm a Staff Sergeant. You're the daughter of a Colonel. I'm sure your father wouldn't approve of you getting involved with someone like me."



"Who said anything about getting involved? Friendship isn't determined by rank."



"I didn't mean it that way."



"Which way did you mean it?"



"I, uh, it's just that, uh ..."



She grinned at my discomfort, got in her car and drove off. Maybe you just royally fucked up Staff Sergeant Michael Carter I thought to myself.



Three days later, I answered the office phone. "Special Operations, Sergeant Carter. How may I help you?"



"You can help me by writing down ten numbers." Said the sexiest voice I had ever heard and as she spoke, I could almost smell the Tabu she was wearing.



"I beg your pardon?"



"You heard me. Now write them down."



She started saying them and I dutifully wrote them down.



"Now repeat them." She said.



"I did."



"Good boy. Now do you know what to do with them?"



"I believe I'm getting an idea."



"Another 'good boy' for you. Keep it up and you might get a gold star."



"Yes ma'am."



"Don't wait too long."



She hung up. My first thought was how did she get my number, but then I realized that her father, like the 30,000 others of us who worked in the Pentagon, had a Pentagon phone book.



That evening I used the numbers, but no answer, so I left a voicemail.



The next evening she called me. "You didn't mess around." She said.



"You told me not to wait too long."



She laughed.



We talked. Same thing the next night. And the next. And the next. One night was different, however.



"Are you ever going to do it?" she asked.



"Do what?"



"Ask me out on a date."



"I would love to, but ..."



"No 'buts' damn it. Either you want to or you don't. Which is it?"



"I want to."



"Then do it."



"Okay. Would you like to have dinner with me?"



"Of course. When?"



"Tomorrow night?"



"Fine. What time?"



"Seven?"



"Seven, it is." And she gave me her address. She lived in an apartment. It was a two bedroom deal. When she showed me around, she seemed to take particular pride in her shoe collection. The guest bedroom closet had very few clothes in it. The rest of the closet was filled with shelves. Those shelves were filled with shoes. Hundreds of shoes and she took great pride in showing them to me.



I was happy she didn't live with her parents. I was still a bit uncertain how they would react to her dating an enlisted man.



We dated for two months before we had sex. As a matter of fact, it was the same night I met her parents.



She had invited me to have dinner with them. She noticed my hesitancy. "Oh, come on, Mike. They won't eat you. They're normal parents. Curious, of course, because I've never invited anyone to have dinner with them."



"Do they know I'm enlisted?"



"Will you stop that?"



"I'm sorry, it's just ..."



"Another word about your rank and I'm going to get really pissed so knock it off."



The dinner went surprisingly well. I liked Colonel Jacob Self and his wife, Marian and they seemed to like me. As Connie and I left that night, her father walked us to the door. His parting words, and I believed them, were 'It was a pleasure meeting you. We hope to see more of you'.



That night in her apartment, we got naked and made love. Fucked. Screwed. Showered together. Fucked again then made love some more all the while with Bolero playing in the background. Turns out it did turn her on.



Fourteen months later we were married. Fourteen months after that, newly promoted Brigadier General (BG) Jacob and Mrs. Marian Self had their first grandchild. A girl. We named her Ruth and she was born in Virginia while I was still stationed at the Pentagon. Then another granddaughter, Kerry, who was born in Germany and, finally, a grandson, Jacob, after her father. He was born in California while we were stationed at Ft. Ord. We started calling them Big Jake and Little Jake.



Life was good. Big Jake and Marian retired and moved to Florida while Connie and I found ourselves stationed back at the Pentagon.



Connie, the kids and I were in Florida visiting her parents. Connie and her mother had taken Ruth and Kerry shopping. Big Jake and Little Jake were playing in the backyard while I watched and smiled.



My phone rang. There had been an accident. An elderly couple in their brand new motor home had crossed the center median and crashed head on into the car driven by Connie. Apparently the old man suffered a heart attack while driving. He died, but his wife was in the rear of the motor home and survived with lots of bumps and bruises after being tossed violently around.



The three of us rushed to the hospital only to find that both Connie and Marian had died at the scene. Ruth and Kerry were injured but would live. 



They were still in the hospital when we buried Connie and Marian. We buried them side by side. The next two months were the hardest of my life. Both of my daughters spent almost three weeks in the hospital. Both Big Jake and I almost lived there.



I was grief stricken, but life had to go on. The girls were released and we went home ... only it wasn't. It was the first time we had been back since before we went to Florida and the four of us had to grieve all over again. Everywhere we looked, we saw Connie. The clean clothes in the basket she hadn't folded, her house robe lying across the bed. Her clothes hanging in her closet. 



Being in that house with her presence all around was almost as bad as losing her a second time. The four of us cried for days, but it was worse for Ruth and Kerry. They never had the chance to say goodbye to either their mother or grandmother because they were in the hospital and unable to attend the funerals.



It was difficult, but I got up every morning, got the kids up and off to school, and went to work. It was a long time before I was productive again. The kids missed their mother as much as I did. It didn't take me long to realize that being a single parent of three young children was unbelievably difficult.



Three years after Connie died, I retired from the Army. 



The kids and I moved back to Oklahoma. We bought a nice house not far from my mother. My brother and sister both lived nearby as well. My children seemed to enjoy spending time with their cousins; the children of my siblings. Connie had been an only child.



I took some time to get settled and after a few months started getting restless. I applied for, and got, a job substitute teaching in one of our two high schools. If all went well, I would be hired full time the following school year. Life was going along fine, but I still missed Connie, as did the kids of course.



One Saturday evening, Ruth started complaining of a pain in her side. It seemed to get progressively worse so I rushed her to the hospital. My sister Tina came over to get Little Jake and Kerry.



At the hospital, they immediately took her into surgery and removed her appendix. I was going to spend the night with her. She was sleeping and I fell asleep watching her. 



About two in the morning, I was awake and sitting in the chair beside her bed. I watched as the door opened slowly and light from the hall began to fill the room.



It had been a long time, but I still recognized her. She was still a very attractive woman. 



"Hello, Lisa." I said.



She hesitated. Then recognition hit her. "Oh my God. I didn't know you were here."



"Well, I am. Come in." I stood as she walked over to the bed. 



"How is she?" She asked.



"You should know more about that than I."



"You're right. Her chart says she's doing fine."



"Good."



"I saw her last name on the admissions sheet. There aren't many Carter's in town and I thought she might be either Matt's or Tina's."

<hr pg="2" />"No. she's mine."



"Where's her mother?"



"She died over three years ago."



"Oh, Michael. I'm so sorry."



"Yeah. Me too."



"Do you live back here now?'



"Yes. For the past few months." We just stood and looked at each other. Finally, I spoke. "Well, I think I should try to get some sleep."



"Of course." And she left. There was definitely something different about her, but I couldn't put my finger on it.



I awoke about 5. There was a blanket over me.



I spent most of the next three days with Ruth. Lisa stopped by several times. She and Ruth talked about boys, and how they would react to her scar whenever she wore a bathing suit. "It's a very small scar." Lisa told her. "And besides, when they see how beautiful you are, they'll never notice it."



Ruth beamed.



The first Saturday after Ruth was released, my phone rang. I looked at the number, but didn't recognize it so didn't answer. The caller left a message, however.



"Hi. This is Lisa. I hope Ruth is still doing okay. Time in hospital is always worse for children, it seems." There was a pause. "May I talk to you, please? There are so many things I've wanted to tell you over the years, but never had the chance. Please, Michael?"



I listened to that message at least five times before I called her. 



"Hello." She answered.



"Hi it's Michael."



"Hi."



"You wanted to talk?"



"Not on the phone. In person."



"Okay. Mom is taking the kids to the lake tomorrow; why don't you stop by my house around 10:30 in the morning. Or do you have to work?"



"No. Tomorrow is fine. Uh, where do you live?"



I gave her the address. "Do you still drink coffee?"



"I do, but it's Decaf now."



"Same with me."



She showed up at precisely 10:30, but then, she had always been punctual.



The coffee was already on the table when I opened the door for her. It seemed to me that she wanted to hug me, but changed her mind. I indicated where she should sit.



She sat, took a sip of coffee and started. "It was nine months into your first tour overseas. I had an affair. I had been without you and had been looking forward to having you back. Sammie Young saw me at the mall and started talking to me. Do you remember Him?" I shook my head. "He was two years ahead of us in School. That conversation led to another and another and another. Then we graduated to drinks and dinner. After almost two months, I slept with him. One time."



She sipped her coffee.



"When you came home, I was terrified that you would know, but you were so excited to see me that the possibility that I had been unfaithful never crossed your mind. You may recall that we had a wonderful year."



I nodded in agreement.



"Then you had to go back overseas and I came back here. You had only been gone a couple of weeks before he was back. I have no idea how he knew I was back in Ponca. 



The thought of being without you for another year was more than I could stand. Less than a month after you left, I slept with him again. And I kept sleeping with him for two more months. Then I found out I was pregnant. That was when I asked you for the divorce. I told him, and he took off for parts unknown. I've seen him around town since then, but we never speak.



"After I filed for divorce I lost the baby. I almost cancelled the paperwork, but felt so guilty that I didn't. I tried to tell you what I had done when you came home for your father's funeral, but you wouldn't let me. 



"Cheating on you is the worst thing I have ever done and I've regretted it every day. I was selfish and greedy and can offer no excuse. I loved you when we were young, I loved you when I married you, and I loved you when I divorced you. 



"All these ensuing years, I tried to avoid your family because I was ashamed. We run across each other occasionally, but that's about it.



"Two years after our divorce, I met a man at the hospital. His mother was in for surgery. We 'clicked' and a year later, we were married. Three years after that we divorced.



"Since then I've concentrated on my job.



"Then I saw Ruth's name at the hospital. As I said, I stayed away from your family but I thought if she needed anything, I could get it for her.



"I opened her door and you were there. I am rarely surprised and never shocked; but seeing you shocked me. I had no idea how to act or what to say.



"When I left her room, I went down the hall and broke down. I cried for two hours. I cried for happy that you were alive and well. Then I cried because of the stupid thing I did and because of the love I had lost."



I finished my coffee, which was cold by now, as was hers I imagined. 



What she told me was a lot to absorb. "Would you like more coffee?" Was all I could think of to say.



"Yes, please."



I took my time making it. Trying to think of something to say. I obviously didn't know she had cheated on me and I didn't know she got pregnant by another man while married to me. 



I took our coffees back to the table, handed hers to her, then sat down with mine.



"I don't know what to say. I have always assumed that the reason you divorced me was because you couldn't stand our being separated. But now you tell me that loneliness wasn't the problem at all. Horniness was. I understood the loneliness part. I loved you enough to let you go because I couldn't stand the thought of you being lonely. That's why I agreed to the divorce; but the cheating is hard for me to take even after all these years. The thought of you screwing some man while married to me is something I am having more than a little trouble with. I loved you enough to let you go and while I was crying because I lost you, you had another man's baby in you."



I reached over and took her cup, stood and walked to the kitchen.



"I think you should leave."



"Michael, please."



"Good bye."



She slowly stood and walked to the door, opened it and turned to me. "Michael, I..."



"Goodbye."



Why in God's name did she have to tell me that? Should it matter after all these years? And why should it affect me this way? At first I was angry, then outright mad. I 'stewed' for two weeks about what she had told me. Then my common sense took over. Why should it matter anymore? We had been divorced for years and I had no more feelings for her. 



The end of the school year was coming up and it was a busy time for me so Lisa faded into the background. Big Jake had asked if the kids could visit him for part of the summer. I told him yes, of course. 



Three days after school ended, he flew up. We met him at the airport in OKC and the kids flew back with him. Their visit was supposed to be for two weeks. That's all Big Jake figured he could handle.



I hadn't had much of a social life since Connie died and three years is a long time. Oh, there had been a couple of women along the way, but I still missed my Connie.



My brother and sister had tried to 'set me up' with women, but, nothing happened. What I mean is that there was no 'spark'; no connection. Oh, I fucked a couple of them, but that was just pure sexual release. 



My brother was the Deputy Chief of Police by then. One day he came to my house. I had just finished mowing my lawn and was sitting on my front porch with a glass of iced tea. He went inside, poured himself a glass, then came out and sat with me.



We chatted for a few minutes before the real reason for his visit became clear. 



"I shouldn't be telling you this, but since it's a matter of public record I guess it's okay. We've arrested Lisa three times in the last several weeks for public intoxication. Each time when my officers tried to bring her in, she would slap at them and tell them to keep their hands off her that she belonged to Michael Carter. The first time she said it, the officer thought it was funny so he told me. Then she said it the other two times as well.



"Her father bailed her out and the DA chose not to prosecute. When it happened again last week, she decided to go in to an alcohol rehab program in Tulsa. She's there now."



I shook my head. "Why are you telling me this?"



"Her father seems to think it has something to do with you. He had no idea you were back in town until the first time Lisa got drunk and started talking about having seen you and your daughter. When she sobered up, he asked her about it and she wouldn't discuss it. The last time he remembers seeing her drinking at all was during your divorce. She is normally almost a 'teetotaler'. I remembered that she and I used to drink on rare occasions.



"My question is the same. Why are you telling me this?"



"Honestly? I don't know. It just seems that she is crying out for help and you're the person she seems to be crying out to ... or for."



I took a deep breath and told him about the last conversation I had with her.



"Holy mother of God!" He said. "Do her parents know this?"



"I have no idea, but if she hasn't told them, I'm certainly not going to."



We talked until his radio started calling him and he had to leave.



The next day I called Lisa's father and asked if I Could see him and his wife.



When I got there, we shook hands and Lisa's mother offered me some iced tea. During Oklahoma summer's nobody turns down iced tea. I hadn't been in that house in many years, but as I looked around, nothing seemed to have changed.



"What can we do for you, Michael" He started.



"I have no idea." I countered. "I heard that Lisa has been arrested and is in rehab and wondered if there was anything I could do."



"To tell you the truth, we have no idea. Everything was going along fine until she was arrested the first time. That's when we found out you were back." Her father said. "We don't know what to do, Michael. She seems to be in a lot of pain and she won't talk about it."



"We're getting old, Michael, and would like to find out what we can do to help her, but we just don't know." Said her mother taking her husband's hand and holding it tightly.



"Would it help if I saw her?" I asked.



"We have talked about that and we're not sure if it would help or hurt, but's it's worth a try, I suppose." Said her father.



The next day I drove to Tulsa. I registered at the front desk and was directed to her room.



She was sitting in a chair looking out at the gardens. She turned to see who was there when she heard the door open. Her eyes got wide when she saw me.



"Hi. Michael. I didn't think I would ever see you again."



"Why is that?"



"I figured you hated me after our last conversation and you kicked me out of your house."



"I don't hate you, Lisa. I've never hated you. But I do hate what you did."



She stood, walked to me and looked me right in the eyes. "So do I, Michael. I hate it with every fiber of my being but I can't change it. So I've lived with the guilt and the self hate all these years. There have only been a few days when I haven't thought about it. Those days have been few and far between, but they were a blessing." She turned and walked to her bed and sat on the edge of it. She paused with a faraway look in her eyes. Then spoke again. "Why are you here?"



"I'm not sure. I talked to your parents and ..."



She interrupted me and jumped up. "Oh my God, Michael. You didn't tell them did you? It would kill them."



"No. I didn't tell them." I sat on the window sill and looked at her. "That's up to you if you ever want to." 



"I will never tell them. Never. They would be crushed." She sat back on her bed.



"That's up to you." There was a pause and she started to tear up. "Are you okay?"



"I don't know. I thought I was, but now I'm not sure. I started drinking after I saw you last. I wanted to drown myself in alcohol because I thought it would make the memories go away; but it made them worse. It brought back every detail." She paused. "Do you remember what you said in your letter when you sent back the divorce papers?"



"Most of it."



"I remember every word. I still have it and I've read it at least a thousand times. You told me that you would give me the divorce if it made me happy. That was all you wanted to do in this life, and the thought that I was lonely hurt you and if the divorce made me happy again, then you signed the papers gladly. 'I have loved you since the day I met you'. You said. 'Signing these papers is one of the easiest thigs I've ever done because I know that it will make you happy.' And you signed it.



"I cried when I first read it and I cry every time I read it now." She started crying.



It was quiet in the room for a long time. I sat on the window sill and watched her. I was helpless to help her. I cried a little myself.



I stayed with her until it was time for her to go in to dinner. She didn't want to go, but they made her. I don't think her eyes left me the entire time I was there. She acted like she wanted to hug me, but, like before, was afraid to touch me. 



When I left, I drove right to her parents house.



"Why is she there?" I asked.



"We don't know exactly. It was her idea. She said she had to stop drinking and they would help her."



"Has she ever had a drinking problem?



"Never."



"What caused it to start?"



"We thought you could answer that one, because we don't know."



"I'm no expert, but I think her problem is that she is hiding from something. I think she should come home. I don't think they can help her there." I opined.



"I agree." Said her father.



"I'm not so sure." Said her mother.



"With your permission, I'd like to go down and see her again tomorrow."



"Of course." They said in unison.



I was there bright and early the next morning. She was in the cafeteria eating breakfast. Her eyes lit up when she saw me.



"You came back." She said through a huge smile.



"I did."



"Would you like some coffee?"



"Yes, I would. But not here."



"Where?"



"At your parents house. Why don't we have lunch with them."



"Are you serious?"



"Yes. What do you have to do to check out of here?"



"I don't know."



"Do you want to stay here?"



"Not if you want me to go."



"Then let's leave."



We went to her room, packed her stuff and walked to the reception desk. "I'm going home." Lisa announced. And we walked out.



As soon as she got in my car she called her parents. "Hi mom. I'm on my way home." Pause. "Michael's bringing me." Pause. "We'll be there soon. Love you. Bye."



The rest of the trip was very quiet. Neither of us said anything, but I could feel her eyes on me every mile of the way. It was like she was trying to memorize me in case I vanished. She had done the same thing the day before.



Her parents were standing at the front door when we drove up. Lisa jumped out and hugged them like she had been gone for a long time.



"Why? How?" Was about all her parents could say.



"Michael wanted to have lunch with you so we came home."



"When are you going back?" Her mother asked. 



Lisa looked at me. 



I shrugged my shoulders.



She looked at her mother. "Never. I don't need them."



We had lunch. Then we had dinner. It was almost midnight when I left to go home. She walked me to my car. 



"Thank you, Michael."



"You're welcome."



"Will I be seeing you again?"



"I don't know."



"I can accept that now, I think, because for years I thought you hated me. You said you didn't but I didn't believe you; but after the last two days, I feel in my heart that you don't. Now all I have to do is stop hating myself."



She walked back into the house.



Now what do I do? I thought to myself as I drove home. I had to admit that spending the day with her brought back some good memories. But every time I looked at her, I could see her bulging stomach filled with another man's baby. A big stomach might not be the case because I really don't know how big she was when she lost it; but in my mind's eye her stomach was big.



I stayed at home and worked in my yard and house for the next couple of days. It was cathartic for me. On the third day, I called her parents. "How's she doing?" I asked.



"Wonderfully. She's like her old self. She has asked if we have heard from you."



"Maybe I'll give her a call." I had her number from when she called me.



"She went back to work today and won't get off until three."



"Is she still staying with you?"



"No. She went home yesterday."



"Good for her."



At four, I called her.



"Hello."



"Hi. It's Michael." I could almost hear her intake of breath.



"Hi."



"I was wondering how you were doing."



"I'm doing well, Michael. Thank you."



"Listen. If you haven't eaten yet, would you like to grab a bite at Enriques's?" Ponca City Airport has no commercial air service, but Enrique's is a well known Mexican restaurant in the terminal. Many private pilots fly in just to eat there. There was a long silence "Hello?"



"Oh. I'm sorry, Michael. You just caught me by surprise."



"I understand. Maybe some other time."



"No. No. I'd love to go." 



I found myself going over and over in my head trying to figure out why and when I decided to ask her to dinner. I drew a blank. I was glad I did, however, apart from the fact that she cheated on me and got herself pregnant. We were able to get a few laughs out of the evening as well as some pleasant reminisces of old friends and good times.



When I took her home, I walked her to the door. "Would you like some coffee?"



I almost said yes; but managed to decline saying I had a long day and needed to get to sleep. We hugged each other good night.



My kids had been gone long enough. I wanted them home. I had talked to them and their grandfather several times and got the feeling that they weren't ready to come home and he wasn't ready to let them. I chuckled. 



"Dad, we can't come home." Said Ruth. "Big Jake is taking us on a Disney Cruise. We can't miss that." 



"He's what? Let me talk to him." 



He got on the phone. "Yes, Michael?"



"What's this about a Disney Cruise?"



"It's one that leaves every week. The kids will love it."



"Shouldn't we have talked about this?"



"Nah. I'm their grandfather. I can do pretty much what I want with my grandchildren. It's in the grandparent's handbook. But they will need their passports. Would you overnight them, please?"



"Doesn't the parent have a say in the matter?"



"Nope. Not when it comes to grandparent - grandchild relationships. The parents become chopped liver."



I laughed. "Okay Jake. But if anything happens to them..."



Now he laughed. "Got it covered Michael. Enjoy another week to yourself."



"Maybe I'd prefer to have my children."



"Tough shit. You lose this one." We both laughed. I 'overnighted' their passports.



Maybe if they were here, I would have fewer reasons to call Lisa. As it was, I was able to wait two more days.



"Hi, Michael."



"Hi. I was wondering if you would like to go to OKC Friday. The Symphony is playing." It was Lisa who first introduced me to classical music. However, the program they would be playing was all Beatles stuff; but I didn't tell her that. I should have known better because she knew.



"You know they're doing an homage to The Beatles, don't you?" She laughed as she said it.



"That's okay. We don't have to go."



"No. I'd love to go."



We had gone to OKC to the symphony before and each time we had spent the night. I had no intention of spending the night with her this time.



Friday morning came and Lisa called me.



"I can't go with you tonight." She said.



I was tempted to ask her why, but didn't. I figured she might volunteer a reason. She didn't.



"But thank you for asking. It means a great deal."



"Maybe some other time." I said.



"I hope so."



So maybe she was getting used to my being around and forgiving her. She might, finally, be beginning to forgive herself and is getting back to the life she had before I came back. 



Lisa and I had no communication at all for the next two weeks.



Finally, my kids were coming home. I drove to OKC and met them. Big Jake had flown with them. I tried to get him to come home with us for a few days, but he wanted to get back home. There were some tearful goodbyes. Well, he and the girls cried. Little Jake just stood there embarrassed by the public display of affection his sisters and grandfather were showing.

<hr pg="3" />They didn't shut up the whole trip home and I learned more about Disney World and Disney Cruises than I ever wanted to know.



Two days later, the four of us were at the supermarket shopping. Food doesn't last too long with three hungry kids. I had sent Ruth and Kerry to pick up some bananas. They returned a couple of minutes later without the bananas, but with Lisa.



"Dad," Said Ruth. "look who I found. She was getting bananas, too." Ruth remembered Lisa from her short stint in the hospital.



"Hello." I said.



"Hi."



"Are you okay?"



"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."



"Good." A long awkward pause. "Well, I guess we better move along. Come on kids."



"Sure." She said. "Maybe I'll see you around."



I watched her go and part of me wanted to go after her and ask what happened to us. Then I thought there was no 'us'. It was just me trying to help an old friend; who happened to be my ex-wife. 



But, in actuality, I missed the little time we had together.



My brother Matt has a wife. Her name is Rosa. Rosa has a cousin. Her name is Francesca. Francesca and I had, apparently, met years ago, but I had no memory of it. Matt and Rosa invited me to dinner one night. Francesca was there. 



It was a nice evening. Francesca was attractive and charming, but there was nothing there that made me want more. I made it clear to Matt and Rosa that their matchmaking days for me were over. Not that I didn't want to be involved with someone; I did. 



One Saturday afternoon, my kids were with their cousins at the swimming pool. I went to the park and sat by the lake. I used to do that all the time when I was younger. It was my 'Fortress of Solitude'. Even when the park was full, I could feel alone. I went back over my life. My marriage to Lisa, my meeting and romancing of Connie, my marriage to Connie, her death, my Army career and my three wonderful children. I was a lucky man. I had loved two women, deeply and passionately and I came to understand that was the only way I could love. 



I reached a point where it didn't seem to matter anymore that Lisa had cheated on me. Had we not divorced, I never would have met Connie, and I wouldn't have my children. The reason for the divorce didn't matter anymore.



I stood. I wanted to get back to my children. I turned and almost walked into Lisa.



"I've been watching you for over an hour. You haven't moved a muscle." She Said.



"I've been thinking."



"I figured as much. You used to spend a lot of time here when you were trying to figure things out."



"Yes, I did."



"You and I used to come out here and park right over there." She pointed to a place I remembered well.



"I remember. That's where we kissed for the first time." I smiled.



She punched my shoulder. "It's also where you seduced me for the first time and I was just a baby."



"Seduced you, my ass. You nearly raped me."



We walked to a picnic table and sat.



"It's been a long couple of weeks." She said. "I've missed you."



"Yeah. Me too."



"Do you know why I couldn't go to the Symphony with you?"



"I figured it was none of my business."



"It is your business." She paused. "When we used to go, we would spend the night afterward. We would get a hotel room and take wine and cheese. When the weather was good, and depending on which floor of the hotel we were on, we would turn off all the lights in the room and sit on the balcony naked, and sip on the wine and nibble on the cheese. Then we would go inside and make love. We never just fucked, Michael. We always made love."



"I remember."



"That's why I couldn't go. I couldn't stand the thought of sitting next to you, listening to the music, and knowing that we were driving back here when the concert was over instead of going to a hotel."



We sat there for a long time before I spoke. "I can understand that, but what has happened in the last couple of weeks?"



"Honestly?"



"Yes."



"I don't trust myself around you. You just said that I nearly raped you right over there the first time we had sex. Well, the truth is, I have trouble keeping my hands off you whenever I see you. Like right now, I could very easily fuck you on his table and not care who was watching." We looked at each other for a second before looking away. Then she spoke again. "I came to the realization that you will never love me again or want to make love to me ... or even just fuck me, so I've stayed away.



"I come out here, like you, to think about things. I saw you sitting here and I just watched you trying to figure things out. I would love to know what is going through your mind. I'd like to think that you were thinking if we spent enough time together that you could learn to love me again. But since we are going to live in this town, I'd settle for at least appearing to be friends."



"I like to think we are friends." I said.



"Me too." There was a long, empty pause. "Well, I have to go. I came here to think, but if I stay all I'll think about is you."



She started to walk toward her car. I got beside her and walked with her. Somewhere during the walk we joined hands. 



At her car, I opened the door for her and she started to get in.



"Lisa." She stopped and looked at me. "How many men have you dated since your last divorce?"



She looked at me. "Three."



"Did you sleep with them?"



"One of them. Two times."



She got in her car and drove off. I watched her go. I have no idea why I asked her that. It was none of my business and applied to absolutely nothing. I drove home.



It was the following Saturday. My kids were, once again, swimming with their cousins. I was at the corner of 14th and Grand, when someone ran the light and 'T-boned' me. I woke up in the hospital. My left arm was in a sling. I looked and my mother, brother, and sister were all looking at me. Mom leaned down to kiss my cheek. She took my hand. "How do you feel?"



"Like I got hit by a truck."



My brother laughed. "As a matter of fact, you did. A truck with a drugged up driver. We put him in jail."



"The doctor says you'll be fine. You're banged up and bruised ... and of course, your shoulder is sprained, but all in all it could have been a lot worse." Said Mom.



My children visited me later. The girls cried and Jake was fascinated by all the tubes and wires. The girls held my hands and Jake wanted to know why I had a bag of pee hanging from my bed. I tried to explain what a catheter was, but he didn't quite understand. Ruth, being the oldest did understand and wrinkled her nose and made funny sounds while I was explaining to him.



It was late evening and I had convinced everybody to leave because I wanted some 'alone time'. I was tired of company. Dinner that evening had been a cheeseburger and fries. Both were cold by the time they got to my room. I was hungry so I ate everything. They had given me enough pain pills so that I was, in fact, 'feelin' no pain'. I was watching the TV when I saw my door start to slowly open. I watched as she came in and stood by my bed.



"How do you feel?" 



"I could be worse." I said



"Are you able to get out of bed?"



"I haven't tried. I don't think they want me to yet."



"Good." She said then leaned over and kissed me. A long, slow kiss that reached down into the depths of my soul and told me that she really meant it. "I've wanted to do that since I saw you in here with Ruth. Now you can call the administration and report me if you want, but I did it and I'm glad. After I saw you at the lake I made up my mind that I still love you and if I'm headed for heartbreak, then so be it." Then she left.



I stayed awake until after two in the morning trying to figure out what I thought of that kiss and her pronouncement. I pushed the control button on my combination TV, nurse call, and bed control device and the top half of my bed lowered until it was flat. I knew I enjoyed her kiss, but couldn't decide if it was because it was her or if I was so desperate that any kiss from any woman would have the same effect. I finally dozed off. When I woke at seven, my mother was there. We did the normal 'how are you' routine before she sat on the edge of my bed and picked up my right hand, held it and rubbed it. Then she asked.



"What's the deal between you and Lisa?"



"What are you talking about?" I asked as I released her hand and reached for the button to raise the top half of my bed so I could return to a sitting position. 



"When I got here, She was sitting in that chair asleep with a blanket over her. Was she here all night?"



"I don't know. It was after two when I went to sleep. She wasn't here then."



"Well, she woke up after a minute or two, and told me good morning. She folded the blanket and said that she would go check on your breakfast then she left. That was fifteen minutes ago."



Just then the door opened and Lisa came in with my breakfast tray. She put the tray on the little table and positioned it so that the tray was right in front of me.



"They had scrambled eggs, but I told them you liked them over medium so they changed them. Is that still the way you like them?" She took the cover off the plate and two perfect eggs sat looking up at me. "I also told them you preferred ham over turkey sausage and bacon." She looked at me and smiled.



Then she put a napkin on my chest and started cutting my ham and eggs. She then used my fork to pick up a bite of both and moved the fork to my mouth as if to feed me.



"What are you doing? I'm not helpless."



"Pretty much, you are. Your left arm is in a sling and you're left handed. You can't feed yourself because you could never use your right hand for anything useful so just open up like a good boy.



I opened my mouth as my mom laughed. I remembered the cold cheeseburger and fries the night before and didn't recall having any trouble eating, but I decided not to say anything.



"Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Carter. Would you like to do this?"



Still laughing, mom said. "No, dear. You're doing fine. I did my share when he was a baby."



"He's still a baby." Said Lisa as she wiped my mouth with my napkin. 



I ate everything on the tray and I couldn't take my eyes off her. She did let me drink my coffee by myself. When I was finished, she used my napkin to wipe my mouth again and then she kissed me ... again.



After she left, mom said. "Michael, you have a woman in love on your hands. What are you going to do about it?"



"I have no idea." I said as I stared at the closed door.



I was there for two more days and I found out that she never left the hospital. She spent the nights sleeping in the chair by my bed. If it concerned me, she wouldn't allow anyone else to do it. The only other person allowed to feed me was Ruth who thought it was cool; so did Kerry. Jake found it hilarious.



The morning of my release, she was there to wheel me down to the entrance where my brother waited to take me home.



"Call me if you need anything." She said as she leaned down and kissed me again. This is becoming a habit, I thought as Matt drove me away. I looked at him and he had a smirk on his face. "Not a word." I said to him. "Not one word." He didn't say anything, but the smirk never went away.



My first night at home, I called her. 



"I was hoping you would call." She said.



"Thank you for all your help at the hospital. Would you consider coming over and helping Ruth and Kerry fix dinner? They want to, but they need a little help." 



She was there in 20 minutes and I could hear her and the girls laughing as they fixed dinner. Jake usually stays clear of the kitchen except to get something from the refrigerator, but it wasn't long before I heard his laughter along with the others.



She stayed and ate with us at the insistence of my children. After dinner, the girls volunteered, for the first time in my memory, to clean up. Lisa came into the living room to chat while the girls cleaned. Jake had no intention of helping his sisters. The girls finished and all three of the children went to their rooms after telling us good night and giving us hugs. Even Little Jake hugged Lisa. 'Smart boy.' I thought. 



Lisa and I were talking. The children took their showers and went to bed. Lisa and I were still talking. It was close to midnight and I was showing signs of tiring.



"Sleepy?" She asked.



"A little."



"If you need help taking your shower, I'm available. She smiled.



"I, uh ..."



"Not in the shower, silly. I can wrap your sling so it won't get wet."



"I don't need the sling. I'm not helpless." I said.



"Okay." She said. "I'll go on home."



She got up, grabbed her purse, came over, and kissed me good night.



Staying awake thinking was becoming a habit I didn't care for and that night was no exception. One of the things which had been niggling the edge of my brain was that something about Lisa was different. It was two days later when I realized what it was. She didn't smell the same as I remembered. As a matter of fact, she only smelled of soap. A very pleasant soap, but soap nevertheless; never any perfume. That was it! No Tabu. 



During the next couple of weeks, Lisa was at my house at least four times a week. The children got used to her making dinner and eating with us. I liked it as well.



I was notified that I had a permanent teaching position and school was starting soon. I had completely forgotten about clothes and supplies. We took care of their supplies okay, but when it came to the clothes, even Jake didn't want me to shop with him. We were discussing it at home one morning and Ruth said.



"Lisa knows more than you do, Dad. She can help us."



"Maybe she isn't available." 



"Call her." 



I put the phone on speaker.



Her phone rang. "Hi Michael."



"Hi. I'm having a mutiny on my hands."



"A mutiny?"



"Yeah. It's time to buy school clothes and my three ragamuffins don't have any confidence in my choices." There was a chorus of agreement from them.



Lisa laughed. "That's because you shouldn't be picking out girls' clothes." Ruth and Kerry cheered.



"Mine neither." Piped up Jake.



"So, they want you to go with us." I interjected.



Silence. Then I heard a sniffle.



"Really?" She asked.



"Really. If you don't have time, they'll just have to deal with me."



"No. I'll make the time. When?"



"Now." Came their unanimous reply. 



"Did you hear that?" I asked.



"Yes. Yes I did."



I could almost feel her smile. 



We picked her up and we went shopping. It took until late in the day and I never saw my kids have any more fun. We got home and ordered pizza for dinner. They started trying on the stuff they bought and we had a big party. 



It was getting late and I asked Lisa if she was ready to go. She looked around. The kids were still goofing around and eating what was left of the pizza. "Not really, but I guess I should."



"Okay kids. I'm taking Lisa home. Get your showers and get in bed. You should all be asleep when I get back."



We rode in silence to her house. I walked her to her door. For the first time in many years, I initiated the kiss. 



"Thank you for today." I said.



"Any time." She said as she touched my arm and smiled. Then she went inside. 



I waited just a few seconds before I rang her doorbell. She opened the door immediately. It was like she was waiting for it.



"Could I ask you a question?" I asked.



"Of course."



"Why aren't you wearing Tabu anymore?"



She looked at me and tears came to both of her eyes. She took my hand. "Come with me."



She took me to her bedroom and dropped my hand. She went to her chest of drawers, opened the bottom drawer, and took out a box. She put it on the bed and opened it. In it were our wedding album, her rings, our marriage license, and a stack of letters. The last thing in the box was a half full bottle of Tabu. 



"I sealed this bottle the day I asked you for a divorce. It was your perfume and the bottle is one you bought for me. I haven't worn it or any other perfume since." She put it back in the box and put the box back in the drawer. "I will wear it again when you ask me to."



I took her hand and walked to the front door. When we got there, I opened the door and turned to face her. I took both of her hands in mine.



"There is a concert Friday night in OKC. I'd like for you to go with me and wear it."



She looked at me, her eyes got big and she started to cry. I don't remember her ever crying so much. I didn't know anybody had that many tears in them. She couldn't stop so I went back in the house, closed the door, and held her. It took her a long time to stop. When she did, she reached around to my right rear pants pocket and pulled out the handkerchief she must have remembered I always had there. She stood there drying her eyes.



"Seriously?" She asked.



"Seriously."



"You're not kidding?"



"I'm not kidding."



"Should I take an overnight bag?" She asked the question in such a way that she was almost begging me to say yes.



I smiled. "Just your toothbrush. You won't need any clothes."



She launched into me and knocked me into her front door.



On Friday afternoon, I picked her up. She was beautiful and she was wearing Tabu. 



The trip was quiet. 



The symphony was ... well, I'm not sure how it was because I didn't pay any attention to it. I just kept looking at Lisa who was looking at me.



About 20 minutes into the program, she leaned over and whispered. "We don't have to listen to it all, you know."



I whispered back. "I know but the anticipation makes it more exciting."



"I'm tired of anticipating. I want to make love with you. My panties have been soaking since we left home."



"Shhh" Came from the row behind us.



"Get a room." Came from the row in front of us.



"Good idea." I said as I stood, grabbed her hand and we made our way out.



Thirty minutes later, we were in our room. I was shaking. She was shaking. The whole room seemed to be shaking. I went to her and hugged her.



"Would you like some Champagne?" I asked softly in her ear.



"No. All I want is you."



We separated and I looked at her. She wore a very nice evening dress. I wore my Tux. I turned her around and she lifted her hair so I could get to the zipper on the dress. The back of the dress was pretty low cut so she didn't have to lift it very far. It was like she had oiled the zipper because once I started it, gravity seemed to take over and it just slid down. When it got to the bottom, I turned her around and put my hands at the top of her dress just above her breasts. She took a deep breath as I slowly and gently pulled the top down. Just before her nipples were exposed, I stopped. She looked at me with a question and doubt in her eyes.



"Anticipation." I said.



Then I took off my Tux jacket, untied my bowtie and took it off. We both sat on the edge of the bed. I took off my shoes and socks. She took off her shoes. We just looked at each other as we did it. We both stood and faced each other. 



Studs usually make my formal shirts difficult to button and unbutton, but Lisa always had a way to make fast work of shirt buttons. She had never tried it when I was wearing a tux because we couldn't afford a tux when we were married. She would grab the tails of my shirt and pull upward and spread the shirt at the same time. It had always worked for her and it did this time as well.



She pushed the shirt off my shoulders and it floated to the floor. She undid my pants, put her thumbs between my shorts and skin and started bending her knees. As she lowered herself, my pants went with her until they were at my ankles and I stepped out of them. She was at eye level with my dick and she just stared at it. Then her hands went to my hips and pulled me to her. Her mouth opened as my dick neared it. It jerked upward one time and she actually grabbed it with her mouth. I pumped twice and pulled out. Then I reached down and pulled her up. She looked at me with questions in her eyes.

<hr pg="4" />"Anticipation." I repeated.



Then I reached for the top of her dress again. This time I didn't stop. I slid it slowly over her skin until I saw her nipples. I leaned down to kiss them, but she grabbed my head, lifted it, and kissed me.



"Anticipation." She smiled as she said it.



It took us another few minutes to undress. We did it slowly and seductively. We looked at, touched, and kissed every part of each other's bodies before we actually made love. And that's what we did. We made love. It was like coming home again. Every movement of my dick, every squeeze of her pussy. Every lap of my tongue and every suck of her mouth and we were where we were supposed to be.



Fuck what had gone before. This was here and now and I wanted it always. We were on the tenth floor of the hotel. Our room faced a busy street, but we didn't care. After our first round of lovemaking, we went out onto our balcony with glasses of Champagne and sat, naked, as we watched the traffic below. Then we went back inside and made more love.



As she lay on her back, I moved up between her legs and slowly ran my tongue over, around and into her pussy. I nibbled her clit and sucked it into my mouth. She put a pillow over her face so only we could hear the screams. I licked and kissed my way up her body; taking my time and ensuring that my lips and tongue touched every inch of her. When I got to her lips, we kissed; softly and gently. Her body started to shake and tremble. I lifted my hips and she guided my dick to her pussy. I lowered myself and entered. Her shaking and trembling increased and I just lay there on top of her. When we started to move together, the old sensations returned. This was not her pussy. It was mine and I wanted it ... so I took it. Not hard or rough, but lovingly, tenderly, and slowly. We both knew it. 



Her hips started to rotate and move up and down. Each time she lifted her hips my lower body lifted as well. 'God, she's strong' I thought as she moved upward meeting my downward strokes. I could feel her muscles tightening around my dick inch by inch as it made it's way into her, then release it as it slid out only to repeat the motion time after wonderful time.



I was where I was supposed to be. I woke up with her nestled next to me. I smiled.



The drive home was like old times. We were young lovers again. I took her home but before I left, we fucked. Lovemaking was forgotten. Years of total absolute lust were erased in a matter of a few hours.



A couple of days later, Lisa came to our house for dinner. I had gotten steaks and shrimp to grill. As soon as Lisa walked in the house, the kids rushed to hug her. When Ruth got to her, she stopped and looked at her.



"You smell like my mother." Ruth told her.



"What?" Asked Lisa.



"You smell like my mother. She wore the same perfume."



Lisa looked at me with narrowed eyes. The rest of the meal instead of being a fun time was tense. The kids didn't notice, but I certainly did. Every time I looked at Lisa, she shot arrows back at me.



Finally dinner was over. 



"I have to go." Said Lisa. 



"I'll walk you to your car. I said. 



I tried to hold her hand as we headed for her car, but she shook me off. I opened the door for her and she turned to face me.



"I thought it was me, but it wasn't. It was her. You didn't want me. You wanted her back. That's why you asked me about the perfume. You just wanted to bring back a part of her."



"That's not true. Of course I like ... no, I love that perfume, but you had it first. If anything, I may have been attracted to her because of you." She was in her car and gone.



A whole month went by and she wouldn't let me talk to her. She blocked my number and the couple of times I went to her house to try to talk to her, she wouldn't open the door. The one time I saw her at the mall she went the other way. The kids couldn't understand it and try as I might, I couldn't explain it.



One Saturday evening, the kids and I went to the movies. It was some 'girly' movie that Ruth and Kerry wanted to see, but Jake and I dreaded.



The movie hadn't started yet and the house lights were still up. "Isn't that Lisa?" Asked Kerry.



I looked and she was walking down the aisle to her seat. She was followed by a man who sat beside her.



"Yes, It is." I said.



"Can we go say hello?" She asked.



"I don't think so, sweetie." 



The lights went down and the movie started. Whenever the light from the movie was bright enough, I looked where she was sitting. Once I saw them taking turns sucking through the same straw in a drink cup. 



When the movie ended, we filed out. The girls were gushing and Jake was pointing his finger at his mouth and making gagging sounds.



In the lobby, Lisa and her date saw us. She came over and said hello to the kids. She never introduced her date and she never spoke to me. As they walked away, I heard him ask who we were.



"That's my ex and his family." Was all I heard.



Life went on. Christmas break had just started and I was trying to finish my Christmas shopping. Mom, my brother and his family as well as my sister and her family were all taken care of. I still wanted to do more for my children so I was at the Mall walking around.



I found myself in the only men's store in the Mall. There were several stores for women, but only one for men. I was looking at the suits because mine were getting old and a bit worn. The sales clerk was walking around with me. I didn't need anyone to do that, but I didn't stop her. After I had seen all I wanted to see, I thanked her and started to leave. Lisa was standing at the big open door as I left. I started to just walk around her, but she spoke. 



"Find something you like?"



"Why would you care?" I kept walking. She was close enough to me for me to know that she wasn't wearing Tabu.



"Would you like to talk?" She asked.



"I don't think we have anything to discuss." I said continuing to walk. "You said enough when you accused me of not wanting you, but wanting Connie back. If you want to talk, you can talk to your boyfriend."



"He's just a friend."



"A good friend, apparently. Good enough to share a straw with."



She was still a step or two behind me, but she caught up with me and grabbed my arm. "What are you talking about?"



I pulled free and kept walking. "I saw you at the movie using the same straw to drink your drink."



"He dropped his drink so we shared mine. What's wrong with that?"



"Casual friends don't do things like that. That's something close friends or lovers do."



She stopped walking. I didn't.



"What are you saying?"



"You heard every word I said. You're smart. You understand English." I had continued walking. She hurried to catch me. 



"Are you accusing me of ..."



I stopped and turned to look at her. "Are you fucking him?"



"What?"



"Are you hard of hearing?"



"What right have you to ask me that?" When I asked her at the lake how many men she had dated since her divorce and had she fucked them, she answered with no hesitation, but now she was defensive.



"I have no right to but I thought we were getting to a place where ... Ah, fuck it. I have to go." And I turned to leave. 



She grabbed my arm and stopped me. "I'll sleep with whoever I want to. Do you understand that? You don't own me and you never did."



"You're right. I never did. You always slept with whoever you wanted to; even marriage didn't stop you." I reached up took her hand off my arm and went home. 



The kids and I had a very nice Christmas.



Matt and Rosa were invited to a neighborhood New Year's Eve party. They asked me to tag along, and in a move that was totally unlike me, I did.



We hadn't been there long, when Lisa and the man I recognized from the movie, showed up. I told Matt that I was leaving and told him why.



"Christ, Michael. Are you going to run every time you see her with somebody? Grow a set of balls, man, and get back in the game."



It was the best advice I ever had and I took it. 



I grabbed a beer and started to circulate. Eventually, I was in a small group and we were joined by Lisa, who, apparently, knew most of them. They had no idea that Lisa and I had a history and we gave no indication that we knew each other.



"How's Timmy?" Someone asked.



"He's fine." Lisa answered. "He's over there grabbing a drink."



"Is he a 'keeper'?" One of the ladies asked.



I had not looked directly at her but I sensed she was looking at me so I looked back. Our eyes were locked on each other as she answered. "Probably. For someone."



She excused herself and walked away.



"They seem like a nice couple." Said someone in the group.



"Yeah, but something isn't right. Timmy is a bit frustrated. He likes her, but apparently she has some hangups and he doesn't know if it's worth the wait. He says she treats him like her brother."



"Hangups? Like what?"



"Like he's never been in her house. They've been dating for awhile now and he's never been in her house."



"Yeah, but I'd be willing to bet she's been in his often enough." One of the guys said and the men laughed. The women didn't.



"You asshole." Said one of the women and punched him on the arm. "You men are all alike. Didn't you hear what she just said? She said he was probably a keeper 'for someone'. That means she has no interest in a long term relationship with him and is probably carrying a torch for someone else. That means she isn't sleeping with him, either."



"Oh, fuck. Unrequited love. The worst possible kind. I feel sorry for him." Said someone else.



"That doesn't mean he isn't fucking her." Added yet another person.



"She isn't fucking anyone. She's been my friend for a long time and we work together at the hospital. Every once in a while she goes on a crying jag and none of us knows why. I, personally, think it is her asshole ex-husband. She's still in love with him and he must treat her like shit."



"How do you know that?" I interjected.



"I don't for sure. But I do know that she has his picture in her work locker and, oh my God. It's you! You're her ex."



There was a general hubbub as they talked among themselves and stole glances at me. I left them and headed for my car. I passed Matt on my way out. "I'm leaving." I told him. 



Lisa and Timmy were standing by the kitchen counter with another couple. Our eyes met as I passed them. I was almost at my car, when I turned around and went back. I walked up to them. She was just wiping her eyes.



"Excuse me, but I would like to talk to you." I said to Lisa. 



"Why? So you can accuse me of fucking every man in town?"



"I just want to ask you a question." Pause. "Please?"



"Excuse me, Timmy. I'll be right back." We walked out onto the sidewalk. "This is far enough. Ask your question."



"Actually there are a couple of them. First: Do you have my picture in your locker at work?" She looked back toward the house. "Well?"



"Yes." She turned away from me.



"Why?" There was a long hesitation. "It's important, Lisa. Please answer."



She turned to face me. "Because I love you."



"Then why haven't you told me?"



"Because you're an asshole."



"Okay. I'm an asshole. But I'm an asshole who loves you."



Her eyes got huge for just a second then narrowed. "I don't know if I believe you."



"It's true."



"You accused me of sleeping with Timmy."



"I don't care anymore."



"I cheated on you and another man made me pregnant."



"That was long ago and far away."



"Once you forgive me, you can never bring it up and throw it in my face."



"I forgave you already."



There on the street she lunged at me like she did at her house. We hugged and kissed. Two cars drove by and honked their horns.



She put her hands on the sides of my face. "The last man I slept with besides you was the one I told you about at the lake; one of the three men I dated since my divorce. Timmy and I are friends. Nothing more. He wants there to be more, but I can't and never could."



We started back to the party. Timmy was standing in the doorway. We approached him.



"I'm sorry, Timmy." She said.



"I understand." He looked at me. "I suppose you'll be taking her home so there's no reason for me to stick around." He left.



The party took an interesting turn when Lisa and I walked in hand in hand. There was lots of whispering and pointing. When Matt saw us he just started laughing.



We stayed for about another thirty minutes. At the stroke of midnight, we were in her bed doing our own stroking.



She became an almost permanent fixture in our house but she never spent the night and I never spent the night at her house; except, of course, those weekend nights when the kids spent the night at one of their cousins' house's.



Depending upon which shift she worked, Lisa and the girls often made dinner and Lisa usually stayed until midnight those evenings.



She was working nights and I had picked her up at work one morning after her shift and brought her to my house. It was a Saturday morning and the girls had breakfast ready for us. After the five of us ate, Lisa and I did the dishes. She stayed up for a couple more hours. I could see how tired she was so I took her to my room and told her to sleep for a few hours. I closed the door and turned to go back to the living room. Ruth was standing there.



"Do you love Lisa?" She asked.



What's it to you nosy?" I jokingly replied.



"Answer my question, Dad."



"Okay. Yes I do."



"More than Mom?"



"Oh, goodness no, sweetie. It's a different love."



"Different how?"



"Let me see if I can explain it." I paused, took a deep breath, took her hand and walked down the hall to the living room talking as we walked. "Do you love your brother?"



"Of course."



"How about your sister."



"Don't be silly, Dad. Of course I do."



"How about me? How about your grandfather?"



"What's your point, Dad?"



"My point is that we can love many different people and that love takes many forms, but it doesn't mean we love one person more than another; it just means that we love them differently. Do you understand?"



"I think so. Man being grown-up is so gonna suck, isn't it?"



"Only if you let it." I laughed.



Lisa slept until early afternoon then spent the rest of the day with us. Late that evening I took her to the hospital so she could pick up her car and go home.



The next morning, I heard Ruth and Kerry talking before breakfast, but I couldn't make out the words. As usual, Jake was only interested in Breakfast. Ruth and Kerry came in to breakfast. Kerry spoke first."



"Are you going to marry Lisa ... again?" She asked.



"I would like to, but a lot of it depends on the three of you."



"Why us?" Asked Ruth.



"Well, if I ask her to marry me and she says yes, that means she would move in here and live with us."



"Would you sleep in the same bed?" Asked Kerry."



"Of course they would, goose. Married people always sleep together unless they're mad at each other." Said Ruth.



"How in the world do you know that?" I asked.



"Dad," She said like I was the biggest dumbass in the world. "How many kids in my school do you think live with both of their birth parents?" I shrugged my shoulders. "Less than half. Don't they teach you stuff like that in College?"



"I must have missed that class." I fumbled through. 



Little Jake piped up. "If you marry her and she lives here, does that mean she will cook for us all the time?"



"At least part of the time." I told him. "But we would have to do our share. She will be a wife and step-mother, not a housekeeper or slave."



"I'm good with that." He said. Ruth and Kerry echoed his sentiment.



The kids and I spent a week picking out a ring. I had thought about getting her old rings from the box in her room, but decided that this should be a new beginning with a new ring. The day we bought it, Ruth called her and asked her to come over. When she got there, the three kids ran out to the driveway and almost drug her out of her car and into the house. They took her to the middle of the living room and told her to 'stand right there and don't move'. Then they just stood there waiting for me.



"What's going on?" Asked Lisa.



"Dad wants to ask you something." Said Little Jake almost choking with laughter, while his sisters tried to 'shush' him.



I was in my room trying to calm myself. I wasn't having any doubts about wanting to marry her, but one of her comments was giving me pause. 'Once you forgive me, you can never bring it up and throw it in my face.' That was true. My parents taught me that once you give a gift to someone you can't take it back and it isn't any of your business what they do with it. If they want to give it to someone else, they're free to do so. They also taught me what Lisa had told me. 'Once you forgive someone, regardless of what they did, you can't take it back and you can never bring it up so you better be sure you really want to forgive them.'



As Little Jake once said. 'I'm good with that'.



I walked into the living room and she was standing there looking at my three troublemakers wondering what was happening ... or maybe she knew, or at the very least, suspected. I found out in just a few seconds that she had no idea because the second I dropped to one knee, she fainted.



I never really did ask her, because as soon as she regained consciousness, she started saying yes, yes, yes.



The wedding was five months later. Her father gave her away for the third time. It was the second time he gave her to me. "I don't want to do this again." He said at the altar.



"You won't have to." I told him. "This is forever." I smiled as I looked at her and inhaled the almost 20 year old Tabu.

