
Nina - Part I
by Titslave
Written for Dark Wanderer exclusively


      They say you can't home again, but my college
sweetheart and I did it.  Last year David and Nina James
came back to this suburb of St. Louis, where we had grown
up, to settle down and raise a family.  About three years
ago we had graduated from the University of Wisconsin, both
with degrees in therapeutic counseling, with an emphasis in
Christian pastoral support work, and lived on one coast,
then the other. Last June we decided there was no place like
home.  We saw this also as a way to grow in our faith, and
to follow the Lord.

      God had blessed me when Nina took my hand in marriage.
She has a soft, smoky voice and is a green-eyed blonde with
finely chiseled cheeks. She is somewhat tall (5'7") with a
slender figure, but very curvy at chest level. It's a
feature that you encounter in a woman rarely - this
combination of slender build with bustiness - and she has an
eye popping, perky bosom, one that stops traffic. Just
before our wedding I snuck a peak at one of her brassieres
and sighed when I read the label: 42DDD.  After we married I
frequently glanced at the labels on her bras, picking them
up off the floor or pulling them out of the dresser.
Sometimes she was wearing E cup bras and it made my heart
stop. She was quite a big girl where it counted, and she was
all mine.  Thank you Lord, I thought to myself.

      Two incidents during our marriage showed how modest
Nina could be about this aspect of her anatomy.  We visited
Cancun on our honeymoon and she wore a rather scanty bikini
on the beach for first day. Her breasts were so conspicuous
and I was once again bowled over by them as I walked back to
our towel from a walk I had taken down the beach.  Evidently
the stares she got were so intense that she left the beach
in the afternoon and refused to go out of the hotel room
until I went and bought her a one-piece, conservative
swimsuit with a high neckline.  She insisted on going to a
church to pray while we were still in Mexico.  I said I felt
badly that she had been humiliated getting constant stares
on the beach and I suggested that she should not feel dirty
wearing a swimsuit.  She sort of agreed, saying it was not
the wearing of the bikini that was lustful, it was the
feeling she got from all the stares from the young college
guys.  I had assumed she meant a feeling of shame. 

      A more recent situation was back here, after we had
returned to our hometown, while she was working for an
insurance agency before she had Jenni - our baby girl.  Nina
told me in great detail that two smartass high school
interns working at her office had been making comments about
her chest and had asked her to bend over more and wear more
low-cut tops.  One morning she left for work with a low cut
blouse to placate them. "Maybe that will shut them up," she
sighed as I dropped her off. She was staring intently at me
as if to evaluate my reaction, "What do you think?"  She
looked down at her chest. I empathized with her, saying:
"Maybe it will. But you're more than they can handle, the
little twirps."  "Do you mean they might try to handle my
breasts?" she asked, kissing my lips warmly.  "Uh, no," I
said.  "Well, I hope this placates them."  She said, a deep
sigh leaving her.  Unfortunately, as she related to me that
night, their comments only got more filthy and these
conceited types a few times that day came up behind her when
she was at her desk and had reached down under her top and
grabbed her breasts.  "I guess this blouse sent a strong
message," she said.  We prayed about the embarrassment and
she asked God to help her with the feelings that she had
when they did these things. "I need to be strong, Lord," she
said. "You no doubt are very angry with them," I said. "Your
feelings must be very deep."  She looked down and said,
"they are."  "They will have to answer for this," I said,
referring to God's judgment of them.  "I guess they won't be
answering to you in the meantime," Nina said teasingly.
"Just kidding," she grinned, looking down at her wine glass.

      We had settled in quickly in our hometown, renewed old
friendships, shook our heads at the changes like the new
mall a few miles away, and then joined a church that Nina
had attended when she was little.  The congregation was
large, the minister gave a good sermon, and people were
nice.  We jumped into church work full throttle, eager to
grow spiritually.  And when it was obvious to her that the
youth group needed more attention than it had been getting,
Nina eagerly suggested that we volunteer to help get it back
on track. I agreed.
	
      At church the head of the youth group, Cal, approached
us after service one Sunday. I hadn't realized Nina had
spoken to him and expressed an interest in working with
older teenage boys.  Following up, Cal asked if we were
interested in counseling a few of them.  "They're getting in
all kinds of scrapes," he told us. He seemed quite concerned
about what he had to tell us and pulled us off to a corner
during coffee hour. "There's Wade, the son of the richest
family in town.  He's 17 going on 29.  He was arrested for
holding a gang bang with a woman - from this church - in his
parent's house while they were out of town. He made a video
of it.  'Big Wade and the Boys do Little Nikki'"  My wife
was listening very intently, and said, like a true Christian
soldier. "He's lost, he needs Jesus." Then she frowned: "Is
he overweight? Why is he called 'Big'?"  Cal grinned
slightly and rolled his eyes, "it's sick. Apparently he's
very well equipped, like major king size. He's talking about
g out to California to break into the porn business.  Loves
to wear a T shirt that says 'Down there I got more than you
can handle.'"

      My wife put her hand on her gaping mouth and, with her
wide eyes, stifled a mock scream.  "It gets worse," Cal went
on. "He put a woman on his block in the hospital by having
anal intercourse with her and ripping her rectal tissue.
Sorry to gross you out, Nina."  He went on: "Then there's
Larry, who is another sexual predator. He's 18 and had sex
with his science teacher. She had an abortion.  These two
are very smooth, and precocious, and would be jailed sex
offenders if they were of age and they're families had no
clout. Then there's Chris, who, along with Robert, the
fourth problem child in our teens, is African-American.
They're fundamentally good kids but have been arrested for
fighting, selling grass, they talk trash incessantly and
need direction.  I know you really pushed to do this," he
looked intently at Nina, " but can you handle these
youngsters in a small group? With your counseling training
and all...."   Before she and I had talked it over Nina
assured him on the , obviously anxious to meet the
challenge.  She felt that God had called us to this
ministry.  I was struck by her enthusiasm and wondered if
our schedules permitted this effort but later she talked me
into it, after the fact.

      Sleeping a few feet away, as we spoke with Cal that
day, was Jenni, our darling baby girl, now three months old.
She was a gift from Heaven. And God wasn't done with the
gift to me of my wife's spectacular chest. When Nina's milk
came in her breasts swelled into these very large, rounded,
firm watermelons bursting with milk. Her nipples were huge.
She had aureoles the size of small pancakes- the forward
most flesh of her breasts was all nipple -  and she had
teats that really protruded. I gazed through mirrors and
around corners in the house to watch Nina nurse Jenni.  I
felt like a voyeur, and could not resist the persistent urge
to masturbate. To record the wonders of babyhood I managed
to do a video of Nina nursing Jenni after giving assurances
to Nina that no one would ever see the tape.  I did zoom-in
close-ups of Nina's breasts - surreptitiously - having
talked Nina into nursing from each breast.  I made a copy of
the tape to watch at my office, and I did so in one of the c
ence rooms a few times on weekends or after hours, but felt
conflicted about the sexual excitement I felt so I threw the
tape out.

      Our first meeting with the boys was to take place the
next Saturday. Nina mentioned  to me over dinner on the
Friday night before that in her eagerness to get started
with this ministry she had gotten Wade's phone number and
met briefly with him and the other boys in the church
parking lot, after they had returned from a youth group
outing into the city.  I was impressed with her drive to
meet the challenge of four mixed up young men who were
facing an adulthood of problems and were without some
special attention - attention she and I were trained to
provide.  

      The next morning I picked the baby and Nina up at home
after finishing an early golf game. As I pulled up in front
of our house I was a little surprised that Nina had worn a
light brown, thin sweater that was not loosely fitting, as
usual, but that was tucked in and stretched very snugly over
her chest. She wore a navy blue back pack with her baby
accessories in it, the pack's straps pulling tautly on her
sweater's front, especially when she reached to pull it off
to get in the car, then stretched to get in on again when we
got out, and so on before and after the meeting.  She had on
a short plaid skirt and navy blue hose.  This was not her
usual style, but I assumed she wanted to look casual and
youthful to set them at ease and I thought nothing of it.
Back packs were in with young people, after all.

      We met the boys in a small meeting room upstairs at
the church.  We were excited about getting acquainted with
them and sat down with a commitment to get relaxed and learn
about what made them tick.  Nina was all smiles, upbeat, and
told them that this was not the usual youth group meeting.
She several times asked each of them to say whatever they
wanted, and to think of her as their "special church mom"
who was always  there for them.  "And guys, we're going to
throw away all the rules," she said, letting her loafers
fall off her feet and stretching her legs, one slightly
bent, over mine. 

      Wade was very charming, a tall, dark, muscular boy -
they all looked like they worked out regularly. Larry was
short but handsome and a wrestler at the local high school.
Robert smoked and stared hard at me when I reminded him the
church was smoke-free.  He was not happy about being here.
Chris was always smiling, especially at Nina as she held the
baby.

      We talked about youth group trips coming up, music,
school, but skirted faith issues - no need to sound like we
were trying to get into their spiritual heads. Eventually
each of them expressed a good deal of anger toward their
parents and stressed, particularly, how estranged they were
from their mothers.  Wade stared imploringly at us and said:
"I need someone to mother me. I am so lonely and need
nourishing."  They all seemed to know the right buzz words.
Larry looked at Jenni sleeping peacefully in a portable crib
I had set up on the floor.  "She's lucky to have a loving
mom," Larry said sadly.

      At one point I wanted to set the tone of where I
wanted them to be going in their lives and said firmly to
each boy, "Stand up."  I wanted to apply my skills in
Christian counseling.  I had started with Wade and he
studied me with a grin, and as it would be with the others
he then reluctantly, warily rose from his chair.  "Put your
hands in mine," I said as we faced each other.  "Are you
ready to turn your life over to Jesus?" I asked him firmly,
looking directly into his eyes.  With a modicum of
enthusiasm Wade, and afterwards each boy said: "Yeah,
whatever." At my initiative we embraced.  "I wish we could
have done this with Mrs. James," Chris said, looking my wife
over for the nineteenth time.

      Nina stood and said to Chris, "Do you need a motherly
hug?" He said he sure did, and she got up and stood before
him, offering her arms around his head as he sat forward on
the couch and eagerly buried it in her chest, his large
hands on her back, pulling her against him firmly.  After a
few minutes of her petting his head while he seemed to
overdo the maternal coziness of my wife's breasts, Nina
sighed, red-faced, and patted him briskly on his back. Then
she offered the same warm hug to each of the others.  Wade
was particularly enthusiastic, sighing: "God, this feels so
good. Like God's grace is flowing through your arms into my
heart."  I wondered at his sincerity.  I also wondered if
Nina was getting tired, standing in front of each boy and
offering each this five-minute affection.  "You guys can
call me mom if you want," she suggested tenderly, "I'm here
for you, to love you."  

      Through the corner of my eye I caught Robert rubbing
his crotch and smiling at Larry and Wade, who got serious
when they noticed my eyes on them.  The gesture surprised
and offended me and I said to Robert: "Something about your
crotch you want to share, Robert?"  I felt good about
confronting him, taking control. We had to nip this in the
bud if the group was going to grow.  He was unprepared for
my straight talk and put on a best behavior face and said:
"Guys my age.......rub our crotches alot, I meant no
disrespect."  After a pause he said, "I do it when I'm
feeling lonely and I need someone to help me turn my life
over to Jesus."   Nina looked at him bright-eyed and I had
expected her to say something about how it was better to
control what you did with your hands out in public, out of
respect for others, especially a member of the opposite sex.
I had thought she was going to mention that she was
uncomfortable with suggestive gestures in her presence.
Instead, she said, in a seling voice: "Whatever you guys
normally do is OK with me.  If rubbing your crotches helps
you express your feelings, I want you to feel positive about
it.  Just be you."   Then she smiled and said, rather
overdoing the warm fuzzies, "And I have to say I feel lucky
to be with such attractive young lady-killers."

      We sat there quietly and now all of them were ever so
often rubbing themselves.  "I notice that each of you is
touching yourself, and that's expected"  she said, staring,
then she turned to me and said matter of factly, in a
collegial tone:  "Honey, do you notice how each of them is
doing it? This is entirely normal for boys this age."  I
tried to speak to her confidentially, and moved close to
her, saying: "This is a little outrageous. We're losing
control here.  They're obviously sexually attracted to you.
Don't you see the inappropriateness of what they're doing?"
She looked down at her sweater and said: "Honey, let's not
lecture them the first time!"  

      Instead of keeping the chat between us, Nina then
looked at the boys and said: "My husband thinks you guys are
sexually attracted to me.  Are you?"   Instead of answering
they continued to stare - and rub.  I was indignant. "My
wife and I will not tolerate rudeness. We are not going to
sit here to try to work with you boys if you ---"   But she
cut me off, and said sweetly, looking at them: "It's
expected behavior, Dave.  I'm a woman and they've got ants
in their pants.  Comes with the territory."  She smiled at
Wade and I felt somewhat lost and needlessly undermined by
my wife.

      Nina still seemed flushed from the hugging and now
from the discussion of the crotch rubbing, and lay back with
a heavy sigh. Her arms draped over the back of the couch.
After a moment of silence, with everyone exchanging stares
except me, Wade cleared his throat.  "So Mr. James, where
did you meet Mrs. James?" he asked smoothly.  I welcomed the
shift from the preoccupation with my wife.  I spoke proudly:
"Right here. We grew up here.  Best decision I ever made was
to marry my wife."  "You must have had some major
competition," Larry laughed.  I put my arm around my wife
and smiled: "I'm blessed."  "Thank you Larry," Nina smiled.
Robert said: "Yeah, if I'd a been around I would have wanted
some of THAT!"  Wade interrupted: "Robert, show some
respect."  Robert talked over him. "Let's get it out on the
table.  I mean this is one of those group sessions, so let
me do what I got to do." 

      He turned to look at me, smiling, and then got out of
his chair and stepped in front of Nina. "Stand up," he said
firmly.  I was caught off guard as was my wife. "Stand up,"
he repeated, a little louder.  She did so, smiling awkwardly
and saying, "Well, my husband got you to stand so what's
good for the goose...."   She stood and faced him, holding
out her hands as each boy had done before.  But Robert
grabbed her by the waist and moved her so that he was behind
her.  "Stretch your arms behind you, like this," he said,
and he took her arms and moved them so that her knuckles
were resting in the small of her back, and then he pulled
her elbows back so that they were almost parallel facing
behind her. "And bring your shoulders back, stand straight,"
he pulled her shoulders back. He was at her side and looked
down at me. "Shit, this is even better than the back pack
she walked in with.......Now, you get some of this every
night, right Mr. James?  What's it like to play with these
un vable tits?"  I said: "Really, Robert," I laughed
nervously.  For some reason Nina did not move a muscle, kind
of froze in this pose and looked around at our faces.

      "He's asking a fair question," Wade said. "We've been
getting to know each other for about forty minutes, shooting
the shit and opening up to you with our feelings. So Mr.
James, how about it?"  I was extremely uncomfortable with
this brazen behavior, and I just stared at my wife's body,
accentuated dramatically so that her breasts were sticking
out like extra large cantaloupes.  I finally said: "We're
here to talk about other things. Nina, sit down. Larry, sit
down."  Neither moved.  Nina smiled, ill at ease, and said,
"Maybe you should tell them what it's like, honey."  She
seemed very excited, almost trembling, and I wanted to get
this over with, so I said, "It's great."  "What's great?"
Robert said quietly.  "Her chest," I said.  "Her big tits,"
Robert said.  "Right," I muttered, eager to avoid the
fearsome danger in his manner. Robert seemed to have this
power in his voice and he said, staring down at her breasts,
"they're a lot more than you can handle, right Mr. James?"
I tated, and said, "We're not here to talk about my wife."
Chris jumped in, "so we'll talk about you. She's gotta be
way beyond what you can handle, right?"  She looked at me as
if waiting for more of an answer and I for some reason said,
trying to put admiration in my voice, slowly saying: "Yeah,
more than I can handle. A lot more."   Robert then had the
audacity to reach around my wife with his arms and put his
hands on her breasts, squeezing them several times, his
fingers stretching out over the massive flesh.

      "Robert!" I yelled, "that's enough!"  He moved his
hands back in an exaggerated gesture, with a big "I'm so
sorry" expression on his face.  He looked at me for a few
seconds and then, grinning, said loudly to the others: "What
did I tell you!"  The four boys let out cheers and applause,
except Larry, who sat down next to me with a shake of the
head and put his arm around me. "Dude, I thought you were
going to kick his ass! I just lost twenty bucks!"  Nina
continued posing the same way, until I demanded she sit.
Her face was beet red, and she was grinning.  "This is a
heck of meeting for a church," she said, "I felt like I was
in the spotlight."  "You were, Nina," Wade smiled, "and you
liked it."  "You guys need to be put in check," she said,
trying to sound clinical, then after a beat she added: "and
I guess no one here is going to do that."  Then,
disturbingly, she looked up at Wade and laughed. 

      I was beside myself, but Nina snuggled up to me and
said: "Oh Dave, it's all right. Robert's a lost soul. It
doesn't offend me.  I can get through to him."  I continued
to glare at him, and then he said: "Hey, Mr. James, you're
being too nice. Still time to kick my ass."  Not wanting to
reduce this effort to violence, I said: "Just keep your
hands to yourself."  "I just need some love from our Mrs.
Mom," he said, almost smirking.  "How'd that love feel?"
Chris asked.  "This bitch has got a LOT of love there,"
Robert said, whistling. Then he with exaggerated politeness
said to me, "now Mr. James, don't go postal on me. I mean
'bitch' out of respect. It's a black thing, right Chris?"
Chris smiled and they knocked their fists together.

      We changed the subject to Larry's home life, which was
awful, and to his compulsion to conquer women older than
him. Nina, for some reason, was still shaking, and I
attempted to calm her down by holding her hand. "How do
these married women react when you have sex with them?" she
asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.  Gone was that clinical
detachment she normally always kept "on".  Wade said: "Nina,
God gave me the equipment, and once they get it they keep
begging.  The married ones just love to get nasty and I do
mean nasty.  So I can fuck 'em for hours.  But I'm so lonely
all the time."  He began to sob and held his arms out to my
wife for a hug. 

      "Now hold it right there," I said, "I won't stand for
any more pawing of my wife."  Nina turned to me, glaring.
"Dave, can't you see he's hurting?  These young men are in
pain. Get over it!"  She stood and embraced him for a long
few minutes, this time both of them standing, and then did
the same with Larry, then Robert, then Robert and Larry
together.  Wade had managed to sneak a kiss on her lips, and
then they all did.  By the time Robert and Larry were
hugging her, two pairs of lips were kissing her face and
neck.  I felt like I would sound like a jerk if I objected
to that, so I remained silent.  I was happy to have the
meeting as a first step with these young men but a big part
of me was glad it was over.  These were fast track
teenagers, brash, physical, aggressive.

      Nina and I spoke about it in the car, and again as we
went to bed. "That was very productive.  I wasn't expecting
so much attention.  I think they really liked me.  What do
you think?" she inquired, her voice a little tense, higher,
sounding oddly formal.  "If it continues like this maybe
someone else should work with these guys," I said, a sense
of apprehension coming over me, "I can't believe Robert
grabbed your chest. You must be deeply offended."   She
spoke quietly: "He obviously is starving for affection.  We
have just started this ministry, and with a lot of love
they'll turn out OK."  I couldn't believe what I was
hearing.  Nina appeared to take this assault in stride.

      I told her I thought that Robert was way out of line,
and I objected to the hugging and kissing.  "You must not
have thought Robert was too far out of line," she said,
looking at me closely.  "Why do you say that?" I responded,
defensively.  "I was expecting you to stop him," she
laughed, an edge in her voice.  I said: "I guess he took
charge before I could do anything, and then I told him to
sit down, and then you asked me to tell them ----"  She
jumped in, "---that my big chest is more than you can
handle. You know, you didn't have to play along with that.
You could have cut him off and sat him down.  You seemed to
go along with the boasting about the fun you have with my
breasts, and you told those boys I'm more than you can
handle.  Maybe you actually liked Robert grabbing my 'big
tits' - another thing you went along with."  "That's just
not true!" I said.  

      We were quiet for a few minutes.   "I just know," she
then said, "these four can handle the love I have for them.
I've got so much to give."   This conversation had gone from
my concern over the boys' treatment of my wife to my lack of
aggression and my fetishism, then to her desire to give them
something that was beyond me.  I pouted, and became very
anxious about what lay ahead.

      In bed she was eager to make love, in a hellcat way
that completely surprised me.  She tired me out and when I
suggested we call it a night she seemed extremely
disappointed.  "I wish you'd get hard again," she must have
said ten times.  

      Our next meeting with the boys was going to be
following Saturday.  During the preceding few days Nina told
me that she had spoken with Wade by telephone a couple of
times, his having called to talk about issues with his
parents.  Then Larry called for support, and then Robert,
with Chris on the extension.  It sounded like they had been
ringing the phone off the hook.  "Do you mind that they call
so much, honey?" she asked, telephoning me at the office,
and it seemed like a redundant question since she knew I was
anxious about their attention to her.  She seemed to be
toying with me.  I assumed a cool and controlled tone and
told her it was obvious they each had a crush on her and if
that would help get them to a better place emotionally that
I did not mind - but that I would not stand for any more
behavior like what we had at the first meeting.  "Does that
include the foul language and the flirting?" she asked,
again asking something obvious.  I said "of course it does."
She he ed and then said: "Well, these boys need nourishment
and love. I think you'll have to put up with it.  God has
given me all this nourishment for them."

      On Saturday afternoon the church was almost empty.
Nina and I, with Jenni in tow, met the four in the
sanctuary.  Larry shook my hand, said "Hi" gruffly, then
faced my wife.  I had put out my arms to give him a hug - to
get back control of the situation -  but he disregarded me
and looked at my wife and said: "I'm so glad to see you.  I
need a hug from you, Mrs. James."  Larry said to me: "Why
don't you take the baby?"  I held Jenni and Larry put his
arms around Nina tightly, saying softly: "Are you going to
nourish me with God's love?"  She kissed him on the lips and
whispered: "You bet."   Then Wade did the same kind of
thing, then Chris, then Robert. The bonds between her and
them were deepening, and I was fearing that our work would
be undermined by her getting too close to them.

      As we walked toward a large room remotely located in a
corner of the basement, I noticed Nina blushing as she spoke
with the boys.  "Why this room?" I asked. "This way we won't
be disturbed," Nina said, looking down at the floor.  They
handed her a present wrapped up in a Lane Bryant box and she
went to the washroom, then joined us in the meeting room,
which had a very solid looking meeting table in the middle
of the room, a side room for a kitchen with full length
windows in the partition wall, and several couches and
chairs.  Nina locked the door as she entered.  As she sat
down next to me I noticed that she was nervous, and had an
alien, keyed up look in her eyes.

      We all sat down to talk, Jenni still asleep in my
arms.    Each of the boys was openly taking long looks at my
wife's breasts, and I felt a pangs of jealousy, even dread.
In fact I was fearing what was to come; there was a sexual
suspense that was rising by the minute.  And I got the
distinct impression that I wasn't there; they focused all of
their attention and directed all their comments to my wife.
As I put my arm around her I tried to shrug off my mood by
appreciating again how generous God had been when he
breathed life into her.  She totally was into this ministry
of helping these wayward young men.  And they seemed to
respond to her.  So I tried to concentrate on the big
picture and to avoid whining about the bumpy road of this
outreach she and I had committed to do.

      Her tan, her smile, and her white print sun dress made
her a sight for sore eyes.  The shoulder straps of her dress
seemed to be working overtime.  But I must say I was
disappointed that my Nina had chosen a dress that showed a
good deal of her cleavage and her milk-swollen bosom, which
pushed out so much against the fabric that it made the dress
look woefully small on her. I was surprised the nursing bra
remained out of sight.

      We were sitting at a couch in the middle of the room,
and facing Wade, Robert and Chris, who also sat at a couch,
and Larry, who seemed nervous, sat or stood at or near a
chair to her left.  Nina smiled and said, almost
seductively: "So, how are you guys doing?"  Wade said:
"Excellent, as of five minutes ago."  Then he and the others
just sat there and stared at her.  "Well, I know we have to
talk about some feelings and about family, but I've got some
job leads for each of you," she said, and she leaned far
over to grab some papers out of her handbag, which was on
the floor in front of her. She dumped the papers on the
carpet. "They are in here somewhere," she said. "Take your
time, Nina," Wade said, craning his neck, and it occurred to
me that she did take her time. "That's so considerate of
you," she smirked, still looking down, then smiled up at
them, her eyes appreciating the stares.  Robert elbowed Wade
and the boys laughed, something that, again, bothered me
alot.  I notic at each boy would blatantly rub his crotch,
particularly when she was looking his way, and I felt
inhibited from saying anything because she had told them to
be emotionally open.
