Barfly, Part Two (Mmf, wimp husband)
by c.w. cobblestone

I couldn't wait for the last set to end. I kept looking over at
Rhonda and her husband. Did he know that his wife had just
propositioned me? From the stage, I couldn't tell.

We wrapped up the show a little before 2. Rhonda gave us a standing
ovation. In the empty bar, it seemed almost ridiculous. And her
husband didn't look too happy about it, either.

After I put everything away, I bid my fellow band members goodbye
and went over to their table.

Rhonda spoke first.

"Why don't we go get something to eat so we can talk?" she said. "We
have some things to discuss."

I figured I'd let her take the lead; I still didn't know what the
hell was going on.

We found an all-night restaurant and grabbed a booth near the back.
I ordered a burger; Rhonda had a Caesar's salad. Ralph didn't order
anything.

"I'm putting him on a diet; he's too fat!" Rhonda explained. As
usual, Ralph just sat there and kept his mouth shut.

After the waitress took our orders, I got down to business.

"Okay, so what's up with you guys?" I asked tentatively. I knew I
had a real good chance at fucking this beautiful blonde tonight, and
I didn't want to mess it up.

Rhonda looked over at her husband and smiled. "Why don't you tell
Jerry what's up, Ralph?" she asked.

Ralph couldn't make eye contact with me as he whispered, "Rhonda
says you're very sexy, Jerry, and she'd like to spend the night with
you."

I was taken aback. "What? You mean you don't mind?" This was getting
weird.

Rhonda answered my question. "Oh, Ralphie doesn't care what I do. Do
you, Ralphie?"

The old man kept his eyes down. "No, I don't mind," he squeaked.

Okay, so the guy didn't mind! That was all the explanation I needed!

"So, you want to spend the night with me, eh?" I asked, my hormones
taking over. "Where do you want to go? Your place?"

"My place sounds fine to me. Does that sound okay to you, Ralphie?"
From her tone of voice, I could tell she really didn't care if it
was okay with him or not. She obviously got off putting her old man
down - and he got off on it too, evidently. Either that, or he was
too much of a wimp to do anything about it.

Either way, it didn't matter much to me; we were going to her place
tonight! I couldn't wait to tell the guys tomorrow!

Our food came, and we enjoyed our late dinner. At least, Rhonda and
I did - Ralph just sat there with his mouth watering.

"Uh...Rhonda," he finally said. "I-I haven't had anything to eat
since this morning. Could I have a bite of your salad, please?"

Rhonda stuck her fork into a cherry tomato and held it up daintily.
"You want a bite?" she asked. "But, honey...what about your diet?
You promised me you'd try to lose 30 pounds!"

"I know...I'm sorry."

Nothing else was said as Rhonda and I finished our meal. After we
ate, I lit a cigarette, ready for more conversation. I was curious
to know more about this strange couple I was going to spend the
evening with.

"So, tell me Rhonda: does Ralphie here get off on you screwing other
guys or something?"

Rhonda giggled. "No, actually he doesn't like it at all," she said
mirthfully.

"He doesn't?!?" I asked in surprise. "Then...what's going on?"

She fixed me with a cold stare. "Ralph is my slave, Jerry," she
explained. "I can do whatever I want; he has no say in the matter."

Ooookkaaay! That was a new one on me! What do you say in a situation
like that?

"Uh...your slave?" I managed to mutter. "What's up with that?"

I could tell Rhonda was pleased that she had shocked me. "Well, you
see, Jerry, my husband is a pervert," she began. "He likes for me to
treat him like a slave. Which is great for me; I don't lift a finger
around the house. It's wonderful! But there is one problem..."

"What's that?"

She smiled evilly at Ralph. "Honey, why don't you tell Jerry about
our little problem?" she asked sweetly.

The old guy looked like he'd swallowed a turd. I swear his face
turned blue.

He stammered for a minute. "Uh...the problem is, I can't have sex
like a normal man - "

" - He likes to sniff shoes," his wife cut him off. "That's the only
way the old fart can get it up."

I was astonished. I couldn't say anything. I just stared into
Rhonda's beautiful green eyes and waited for more.

"Soooooo," she leaned back in her chair and sipped her coffee.
"Because my old man is a pervert, I don't get the kind of
satisfaction I need. That's our problem." She looked at me
seriously. "So, tell me Jerry: Are you gonna help us find a solution
to our little problem?"

I smiled at her. "Well, if you're asking me if I get off smelling
shoes, the answer is no! I just enjoy plain, good-old-fashioned
doggie-style!"

I looked over at Ralph. A warm, evil feeling washed over me. I went
with it.

"So, Ralphie, does your wife let you watch?" I asked. I was feeling
rather cocky and it showed in my tone of voice.

Ralph studied the tablecloth. "Uhh...sometimes she lets me watch. It
depends on her mood, I guess."

Rhonda flicked her husband's ear. "What way is that to talk to
Jerry, asshole? Show some respect. You call him, 'sir' from now on,
you hear me?"

"Yes, Mistress. I'm sorry, sir."

Now that it was all out in the open, I guess he felt comfortable
addressing his wife as, 'Mistress.' And he had to address me as
'sir.'

This was definitely getting weird...but I liked it!

Rhonda reached over and stroked my chest. "So, cutie, are you going
to take me home and fuck my brains out, or what?"

"Waitress? Check!"



PART THREE: JERRY GETS INDUCTED INTO THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME!
