Whilst I would never be comfortable using the word Trauma, I will state that I am loving this conversation and feel compelled to share my real world experience J I too had the embarrassment of being ridiculed growing up, mostly self impacted... It started when I was much younger, I always hated bath night, and one time I was begrudgingly in the bath and my eldest sister came in with some towels which I was not keen on that she was in my private space, and she spotted I had not taken off my underwear and she told me to do so and I refused and she said if I didn’t she would rip them off me, now there was nothing sensual going on with that but I complied and pulled them off and I thought I had sufficient bubbles to cover but her slight smirk gave away that I didn’t. It was never brought up again at the time, I wasn’t willing to ask did she see anything as I knew in my heart she did. She was being a loving sister, more intelligent than I was then and now J her instinct was a person cannot cleanse properly with that part of them obscured with clothing, even though it was a small set of underpants they were thick, like I was ha ha, but years on I think back and imagine, what if I said NO I won’t would she have followed through? She was older and stronger she’d have been more than capable would this have been more humiliating? Or was my timid nature of obeying worse for my pride, did I escape a bigger shame, my dinky would have been seen regardless of which option or is it the case that my sister might have decided it’s not worth the hassle and let me remain in my undies, I cannot read minds, but at that moment the rage in her face, if she wanted them off me in a torn state then that would have been achieved.. the lesson is I shouldn’t have had them on, she was right, was it an idle threat, I don’t believe it was as she’s a formidable force in my life.
So several years go by and this incident to give it a remarkable name is not forgotten but not present in the forefront of my mind, my eldest sister the same one that made bath night scary but naughty (thinking back now) she was getting married and this was of great inconvenience to me as I wasn’t the most sociable soul so a massive event looming was of great irritation to me, I love all my family members, I did then and do still but I resented the fuss, I understood it’s significance but I rejected it upsetting my life, so the day came when I discovered the holy grail that wedding dress and having been into crossdressing for a long time before this, I knew that I couldn’t avoid at the least feeling it and having it in my hand, maybe hold it up against me in the mirror, so I waited patiently for the chance to have the house to myself, not easily forthcoming as there were other siblings, parents and relations in the house and while I was alone in the home every now and then it was quite rare, my imagination was going crazy, would it be possible to get my moment before the wedding, if I didn’t take the dress into my arms in time for my sister being married I would never ever get another opportunity, thankfully as it was this gigantic day, preparation was ongoing which meant family members wouldn’t be a present as normal, so that triumphant (in my brain) day came, the house was empty, I went into my mother and father’s bedroom where I had spotted the dress and to my horror, it was there but in a cardboard box, I made a choice, if you take it out of the box it may not be so easy to put it back in, I remembered this wasn’t a slinky little slip gown this was a colossal satin and ruffles, tulle mesh with long train and embroidery so to place it into that packaging wouldn’t be without challenge, I gently opened the corner and put my hand and arm in an felt my heart racing, then I thought, the house is empty, in those times a trip to the city was not fast, nowadays we zoom and zip from place to place without much delay compared to then, so I was safe in the knowledge, I had time, time to take it out and admire myself in the mirror, it wasn’t as if I had anything more pressing to do and besides enjoyment was prevented as I had a goal and ambition, so I took it out and it spilled over the two sides of the box as it lay on the bed, I nudged it onto a different part of the bed away from the box and the reality dawned on me, this won’t go back in without trial and error, cleverly I did a practice to see if I could get it back into the cardboard box which was flimsy so great care was needed, I found out I could but it bulged and I struggled to close the tabs, so I realised then, I would have to basically squeeze it in, it was in the box before it must be able to go back in, so before I tried again I made the decision to go ahead with my daring desire, when I saw this vision in all it’s glory my heart was close to palpitating then I made the ultimate misfire, I was going to put it on, now my sister was bigger in the chest as you might expect so it was swimming on me, I ran into my own bedroom (which I shared with my older brother, who was out with the family too) I would never do anything unless the place was empty, I quickly got undressed down to my underwear not a million miles away from the same kind I wore in the bath J then it occurred to me, I wasn’t going to be naked under the surrounds of the gown, but I didn’t like the idea of having boy undies either, so like I did so many times, I snuck into my mother’s drawers and took out a pair of her satin granny style panties, these were really ridiculous having a large flower on the side of them, hey in for a penny in for a pound, I had always worn my mothers lingerie, I would “borrow” it and return it, you see being a naive idiotic male, I would never worry about sweat, odours appearing on these items, I thought once back where it was found, any proof that it had been disturbed would dissipate over adequate time, so I looked out the window of my Parent’s room where I could spy if there were any cars coming in the driveway, nothing appeared so I completed my task, I slipped on Mummie’s panties and then that dress, it was heavenly, the panties alone were amazing but they barely got a glance in that mirror as the main course was my priority. There I was in my sister’s wedding dress with a mixture of fear and delight, I was in that dress prancing around always gazing at my reflection as I passed the mirror I must have been in it for mere minutes, I resigned myself to the fact that eventually it has to go back to where it was taken and forget about wearing it ever again. As I pondered this I could sense the tiniest hint of moisture and I realized those panties were not as dry as they had once been and my immediate shook was it could rub against the inside of the dress so I cut my naughty pursuit short that dress needed to be taken off and now I had a dire situation, that pre cum was getting stickier and the amount of it was more by the second, so I knew the panties would need attention after the dress was put away.
Fast forward to days later, the dress was in the original box, the panties had been wiped and dried as best that I could manage, so for my part I got away with it, maybe the panties would be a red flag but at least my Sister’s wedding dress wouldn’t be in the equation, so another lifeline was given to me they were all going out again, I was so feverish I didn’t even comprehend were they were off to it didn’t matter they would be missing and I could try again, so I had the same plan, I was even going to wear the same panties and to my relief they were exactly where I left them, you see those panties were not at the top of the pile, they were folded and hidden at the back but they were my favourite ones and now they had even more attachment to me as there was the association with the wedding dress, so once the coast was clear for definite I did what I had before and to my utter shock the wedding dress bnox now had tape on it, now I was shaking with nervousness was this because they found out it had been tampered with so they know and how can I get it out now, luckily the tape they used could be lifted without the adhesion being affected so it was possible to put it back and if I was really stuck I knew were that roll of tape was in the kitchen so I cut always cut new pieces and cover up, these are the kind of steps that a true crossdresser thinks about, so I quickly brushed off any feelings that the gig was up and continued and this was my undoing, going to the well once to often, I heard the door slam and part of me was hoping it was any other than my sister and another bigger part was saying to himself if it was your sister at least it would be out in the open, I accepted that yes it was taped because they know and now they will have it confirmed, I was defeated, there was no escape whoever came into the room would see me in my sister’s wedding dress and before the wedding which made it worse, I would never be able to get it off and I am in my mum’s panties my clothes are in my room, what do I do, I was quivering so much it was impossible to get the zipper down and I wasn’t trying to be fair, I gave up, now it was deciding what position to be in when that door swings open, they were in the house, i could hear them, not sure if it was everyone, but I heard female voices ..what could I do take off the dress in my mum’s panties, put it back in the box carefully and slowly with the tape going back on and then get dressed in my room as if nothing happened? No, my red face and shaking like a leaf would give it away that I had done wrong, no this was not an option I was going to wait and be caught, let them think I wasn’t aware of what was going on in the house, then it happened my mother walked in and she was dumbfounded but I was so happy that it was her and not my sister, she would protect me she would block the door for me to make everything alright, yes there would be a stern chat later but I would not be showcased to my sister, she’s my mother I am her baby, but it’s my Sister’s wedding day dress, she is the eldest and to my despair my mother called out to my sister , there was a brief reprieve as my sister answered I’m just putting on the kettle, I begged my mother, I was so brave before, oh I want to be caught and I have sealed my own fate and I am comfortable with it, but now it was a different scenario, I was bargaining with the lesser of the embarrassment I would have wanted anyone else other than my sister, it was her dress and there was this slight admiration I had for her as a woman and a superior not alone did I enjoy dressing as a woman I idolised them, I saw them as the better gender, I knew how clever my sister was, my mum being my mum had more wisdom as did my other sister but the once getting married she was on another level, how often I had sifted through her lingerie and selecting pieces that I wasn’t even able to identify (I didn’t know what a suspender belt was then) so I was now at the point where I would be displayed in her gown, it could have been worse I felt mum and her could have arrived in together, I was given a sliver of hope, I appealed to my mother, she didn’t listen I suppose the writing was on the wall, she hadn’t ordered me to unzip the dress, so she had my sister seeing me in the dress in her intentions and then it was all over, there I was standing in front of my mother who had ignored my words and my eldest sister she was furious I was close to getting a slap from her and what’s more I was also in danger of getting my backside smacked by my father, my mind was racing, she said as I knew she would what am I doing in her dress and then the worst statement came out she KNEW it was me that had opened it and they put the packaging tape on to repair the box, which I had slightly torn, I failed to have seen that the first time. She then said take it off and take it off fast, I harkened back to that time in the bath when I was threatened with underwear removal and she would do that with her dress if I didn’t first, then she stopped and said hang on leave it, mum make sure he doesn’t move, my heart sank, was she going to get my father or even her husband to be, I had forgotten about him a real man, a big burly farmer who might well lay me out at her direction, but then she returned with a camera, now things were getting serious, it never occurred to me this would happen, I quickly tried to obscure my face and she aggressively shunted my arms away then my mother held them behind my back ,I bowed my head my mother pulled my hair back so I was grimacing for my photo two seconds and the camera made that whirring sound, back then there were no digital cameras, film was what was in them and you would have to bring it into a pharmacy to be developed so I then had the degradation of the picture being seen by an outsider, so there it was the finality not alone had I been seen by her she had captured it on film and her angry was now glee, my mother was her accomplice I deserved it I earned it, how dare I do it once let alone twice. I felt a weight off my shoulders figuratively as well as literally as the dress was taken down from my body by the two of them, I was then told by my sister, first off you will pay Mum to have the dress dry cleaned, then you will help with the wedding without a choice, anything and everything I she asks and if I ever wear anthing that does not belong to me again that photo will be shown to everyone and she meant it, she still has it, even though I older it’s still unmistakingly me and besides that dress is clearly the same one. We bring it up every so often she said she hasn’t got it still but I know she has. She never got it developed according to her, but it’s on the roll of film.
Now the other thing was my mum’s panties, what was their reaction to that, not surprised, I cowered as they took me out of the dress, I didn’t give them a good look at the panties, I covered myself with the bedcovers as I was lectured and went back to my room, those panties were too soaked to give back, they had brushed it off I feel, it didn’t matter anymore. My sister told me she was never fooled she found little signs everywhere and the most debilitating remark was I gave off that feminine energy, I had a higher pitched voice that is typical for a male and she hammered that home to me, I also was only too sure that my penis was small and this along with undersized testicles contributed to that higher register voice, I was forever mistaken for my mother or sister on the phone and I hated it, I was a male, I only dressed for a thrill I had no dream to be a woman, not like that.
I went to bed that night with a dredge of what was to follow, I was indeed very present with the wedding preparations and I had to pay for the dry cleaning of the dress I believe my sister suspected there were most unwelcome fluids in her wedding dress and that’s why she wanted it cleaned not just because I wore it.
Many a time I was in pains over that wedding dress, I was obsessed with it and it was to my detriment, I was caught, but not really they already knew, my mum and sister all along had my number and I never understood, I thought I was so meticulous, I reckon it was a set up the second time, they went out but hurried back.
I eventually put to panties back, I wore them a few times before I did, but there was no more wedding dress, ever again, not hers anyway. I think I got off lightly, I did. It didn’t ruin the relationship, I speak to her about my dressing and we have even been shopping for her not me but she will give me a look while we’re in lingerie departments and other women’s shops that she expects me to want and that my interest is obvious.
I think deep down I wanted to be found in her dress, I had little time to get out of the inevitable and I relinquished any possibility very quickly.
She could have photographed me more, she did one and that was enough for her, my mother restraining me added to the grief of the ordeal.
The last thing I want to say and this proves what I have believed all throughout my life, when she was staring at me just after being in her dress she did say is that what gets his clitoris hard, now when I was that age I never knew what a clitoris was so there was an insult coming my way and it was years later I worked out what she meant, showing yet another way she’s cleverer. So I am convinced she could see my private parts in my mum’s panties , I wasn’t erect so that’s something but I am not a grower and all of this helped me love SPH. I did not wish to be seen that much but thinking back it excites me just like the bath so bath time and wedding dress discovery are a wonderful realty.
VintageCrossdressing Ep 1-2.part1.rar
being called a clitoris , clitty and that's because of her saying it. the dress was stupendous and I shall say worth it. Thanks again for your support.