[inkyscandal] Training Completed
DOC: “Your daughter has made great strides in these last two weeks, Mr. Peterson. You’ll have no trouble finding her a husband now, I’m sure.”
ANDY PETERSON: “A husband? Oh, no. She’s already married… to my son.”
DOC: “Oh right. Yes, that’s in the chart: Daughter-in-Law. I forgot.”
ANDY: “Big difference.”
DOC: “Yes, well, um… In any case, I can assure you that Mandi has responded very well to our therapies. As you requested, she’s had a comprehensive array of neurological, physiological, psychological and anatomical treatments, as well as the usual pelvic floor strengthening exercises, behavioral and attitudinal work. Now she’s all packed and ready to go home with you. I think you’ll be quite pleased. Or your son will be, at least. Is this a surprise for him?”
ANDY: “Maybe. He’s actually in England, studying law for the next three years. I’m paying his tuition, room and board -- the whole enchilada! – and on top of that he left me with this spoiled brat of a wife of his, with the expectation that I’d support her for the duration. Can you believe it?”
DOC: “My, that does sound rather presumptuous.”
ANDY: “You’re damn right. And do I get any thanks? Not a chance; not from either of them. All this one does is prance around my house like she owns it. Spends all day posing for selfies by the pool and ordering organic salads and sushi from California! You’ve never seen such entitlement.”
DOC: “Yes, well, we picked up on some of that during our intake assessment of her. But I can assure you, sir, now that she’s completed our training, she’ll be far more appreciative of her relationship with you. I just hope you don’t have a weak heart.”
ANDY: “Why’s that?”
DOC: “Well… Based on our recent observations, she’s going to be highly demonstrative toward you. We’ve had her in sensory-deprivation gear since this morning, so she hasn’t been able to see, hear, taste or touch anything. Therefore, her olfactory senses will be especially keen and, as you no doubt recall, we collected significant pheromone samples from you the day you dropped her off. Those were used to re-encode certain deep-set associative triggers to cue her arousal responses. So, as you can imagine…”
ANDY: “Speak English, Doc. I’m a simple man.”
DOC: “You should step inside. Once she smells you, no further words will be necessary.”
ANDY: “I find that hard to believe.”
DOC: “Trust me. The keys to her cuffs are there, on the stool beside the bed. And I’m sure you’ll figure the rest out. I’m going to excuse myself now and let you two get re-acquainted.”
ANDY: “Re-acquainted? You mean like, a test drive?”
DOC: “In a manner of speaking, yes. When you need a break, and I’m sure you will, just wave at the camera and I’ll come get you. There’s a limo waiting to get you both home safely, irrespective of whatever in-car distractions she may offer.”
ANDY: “What are you saying? I’m an old man?”
DOC: “Mr. Peterson, I’m saying you’re about to have an unprecedented experience. She picked out the chain, the bunny ears, the shoes, and those two toys in anticipation of seeing you. She also requested a complete waxing and body polishing just this morning,”
ANDY: “Hm. No wonder she looks so smooth.”
DOC: “My advice is: Pace yourself. You’ve got three years by the sound of it, and she’ll probably offer you visitation rights thereafter. So, take your time. Enjoy!” [exits, pulls door shut]
ANDY: [chuckles, steps closer]
MANDI: [tilts head, sniffs air] “Hng-nOh? Ahngny?”