[Tal3s of Debauchery] A Mothers Shame

[Gnaparelli]

Well... first of all, i found their "thought bubbles" pretty or relatively confusing - technically speaking - because we read both their present thoughts, and then they somehow telling the story , explaining their feelings and entire situation with their thoughts...strange, and too complicated in my opinion. It should have been more simple, and probably the best choice would have been simply tell the story using the present time. Or, if artist want to describe how both characters feels, then you can always use "text/narration box". Anyway, yeah, kind of too many words, phrases, thoughts...so the final result is somewhat confusing, and not so exciting, or sexy. Maybe not easy to do, but as artist you should find a right balance between purely sexual and pshychological part of the story. Anyway, at least the taboo part, the sense of prohibited and incest are starting to linger more and more in the story, which is great. Hopefully, you will be able to create a really exciting, hot sex scenes in near future, inserting more and more pure animal instinct while they fuck, and guilt and awareness of how wrong is all of that...

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

Well... first of all, i found their "thought bubbles" pretty or relatively confusing - technically speaking - because we read both their present thoughts, and then they somehow telling the story , explaining their feelings and entire situation with their thoughts...strange, and too complicated in my opinion. It should have been more simple, and probably the best choice would have been simply tell the story using the present time. Or, if artist want to describe how both characters feels, then you can always use "text/narration box". Anyway, yeah, kind of too many words, phrases, thoughts...so the final result is somewhat confusing, and not so exciting, or sexy. Maybe not easy to do, but as artist you should find a right balance between purely sexual and pshychological part of the story. Anyway, at least the taboo part, the sense of prohibited and incest are starting to linger more and more in the story, which is great. Hopefully, you will be able to create a really exciting, hot sex scenes in near future, inserting more and more pure animal instinct while they fuck, and guilt and awareness of how wrong is all of that...

Hey friend,
thanks for the feedback. Yeah, I find it still quite tricky to find the balance between expressing their foughts and just simple pure raw action in such scenes. Often times I find it easier to express their feelings in the past tense, because then you get insights which they simply just wouldn´t be able to explain if it is just their thoughts in the moment, which usually are purely primal. But yeah, I really need to find some solution for better show, which are thoughts in the moment and the ones where they are "looking back upon" what happened and how they felt about it.

 

[Dustellar]

Yeah, feels more like they are retelling/narrating the story, I'm already expecting it to end with future Dylan telling their children "and that's how I met our mother" xD, I think a narrator would be better for that, still a great story, well done!

 

[pazzdan]

Thanks for your story and for the free pages too but sorry, story is slow,very slow,too much slow....as Elvis said
A little less conversation e little more action please

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

Well... first of all, i found their "thought bubbles" pretty or relatively confusing - technically speaking - because we read both their present thoughts, and then they somehow telling the story , explaining their feelings and entire situation with their thoughts...strange, and too complicated in my opinion. It should have been more simple, and probably the best choice would have been simply tell the story using the present time. Or, if artist want to describe how both characters feels, then you can always use "text/narration box". Anyway, yeah, kind of too many words, phrases, thoughts...so the final result is somewhat confusing, and not so exciting, or sexy. Maybe not easy to do, but as artist you should find a right balance between purely sexual and pshychological part of the story. Anyway, at least the taboo part, the sense of prohibited and incest are starting to linger more and more in the story, which is great. Hopefully, you will be able to create a really exciting, hot sex scenes in near future, inserting more and more pure animal instinct while they fuck, and guilt and awareness of how wrong is all of that...

Yeah, feels more like they are retelling/narrating the story, I'm already expecting it to end with future Dylan telling their children "and that's how I met our mother" xD, I think a narrator would be better for that, still a great story, well done!

Hey friends.
since I always intend on improving and after thinking a lot about both of your feedbacks regarding the amount of thought bubbles as well as the swaping between past and present time during "sexy time scenes" I checked into the most current updates which I´m currently working on and came to the conclusion, that I was still doing the time switch thingy, while also probably having a bit too much text in the sex scenes. So I pretty much scraped some parts of the script and/or rewrote them to only have the present thoughts and even had to redo some of the pages which were already finished for this weeks update on Forbidden Fruits. So what I´m trying to say is, your feedback is not for nothing and I take it very seriously .
Does that mean that the sex scenes which are now coming in both of my stories will be perfect, absolutely not, for some there will be too much text, for some too little, or anything else will be amiss for them, but at least I think that with the changes I did because of both of your feedbacks they will at least be a bit better .

But these changes only got into effect at around page 156 of chapter 5 of Forbidden Fruits and page 113 of chapter 3 of A Mothers Shame, so until then it will still happen in the stories but after that I´m trying to iron it out and not let it happen again during "sexy time scenes". So no how I met your mother moments .

 

[vinuchn]

Thank you very much.


"Should I leave her alone, should I speak to her, and if so how" -- almost like a real life thoughts and conflicts.

This is much better than the lots of full text story I read. Fantastic effort. The incest mood is well maintained throughout the story. This the kind of story I dreamed of reading.

And the drawing is top class. Mom is a lovely cute mature. Not so big and not so skinny. Perfect for my taste.

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

Thank you very much.


"Should I leave her alone, should I speak to her, and if so how" -- almost like a real life thoughts and conflicts.

This is much better than the lots of full text story I read. Fantastic effort. The incest mood is well maintained throughout the story. This the kind of story I dreamed of reading.

And the drawing is top class. Mom is a lovely cute mature. Not so big and not so skinny. Perfect for my taste.

Hey friend,
always nice to hear when people enjoy my stories . And it makes me especially happy, that you also enjoy the story in itself and that the work that I put into the charackters as well as their thoughts pays of. I at least try to make them somewhat relatable and make them feel like they are real people.

 

[Johnsina21]

Preview

 

[almodovar]

Finally, he didn't keep his promise not to fuck his mother, which was the only condition for him to stay with her. But his mother is just as guilty as he is because she allows this thing to happen. Can't wait to read the rest.

 

[Gnaparelli]

First, i hope he will fuck her really good and hard, but most of all i hope to see a nice, credible path (dialogues and all) that leads them to passionate sex. And that , i believe, could only happen if it's him who is convincing/seducing her, overcoming her doubts and fears. Or maybe at some point , he could/should simply become dominated by his sexual instincts, and just take her and fuck her really savagely.

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

Finally, he didn't keep his promise not to fuck his mother, which was the only condition for him to stay with her. But his mother is just as guilty as he is because she allows this thing to happen. Can't wait to read the rest.

Yeah both play their part on how it got there, but the way until then is a real rollercoaster of emotions

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

First, i hope he will fuck her really good and hard, but most of all i hope to see a nice, credible path (dialogues and all) that leads them to passionate sex. And that , i believe, could only happen if it's him who is convincing/seducing her, overcoming her doubts and fears. Or maybe at some point , he could/should simply become dominated by his sexual instincts, and just take her and fuck her really savagely.

Well,
I for sure hope that the conversation on how it got there seems reasonable and yeah, I guess the initiator is also quite easy to make out, if one is looking back on how both charackter acted so far . And finally the part about the hard fucking... you'll see

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

Hi,
The next 20 Pages (133 incl Cover) of Chapter 3 for A Mothers Shame are now out on fanbox and subscribestar!

Finally connected again... (Sneak Peek of chapter 3 Page 132)

 

[CapDP]

Tal3s of Debauchery​

When will we are getting new pages of Chapter 3?
By the way, this looks great .

 

[mickeymc]

Hi,
The next 20 Pages (133 incl Cover) of Chapter 3 for A Mothers Shame are now out on fanbox and subscribestar!

Finally connected again... (Sneak Peek of chapter 3 Page 132)

View attachment 810036

Awesome! Great picture!

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

Tal3s of Debauchery​

When will we are getting new pages of Chapter 3?
By the way, this looks great .

Awesome! Great picture!

Thanks both of you, happy to hear that you like this one . New pages are coming right up.

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

Here we are with the next 20 pages of A Mothers Shame chapter 3. How did they end up in this situation considering the end of chapter 20?! you´ll soon find out .


Enjoy !

 

[llermito]

Dear friend, excellent work as always

 

[mickeymc]

Here we are with the next 20 pages of A Mothers Shame chapter 3. How did they end up in this situation considering the end of chapter 20?! you´ll soon find out .


Enjoy !

View attachment 811331View attachment 811332View attachment 811334View attachment 811335View attachment 811336View attachment 811338View attachment 811339View attachment 811341View attachment 811342View attachment 811344View attachment 811345View attachment 811347View attachment 811348View attachment 811350View attachment 811351View attachment 811353View attachment 811354View attachment 811356View attachment 811357View attachment 811359

Nice art, nice job!

 

[Fan of Tal3sofD]

Dear friend, excellent work as always

Nice art, nice job!

Thanks you 2 . Glad to hear, that you enjoy the first few pages